The Letter B. As in...

**Coffee and a Doughnut post**

Have you ever noticed that when one thing starts to go wrong, it's often followed by another and another until you find yourself feeling like you're in the middle of a veritable landslide? Methinks I've been avalanched. Again. Maybe I should say Again, Again. Ohhhh the frustration of it all. ARGH! In recent years I've tried, with varying degrees of success, (or failure, depending on your perspective, eh? Ha) to make things as simple as possible for myself. Not always an easy feat, that, since I seem to have a tremendous talent for complicating pretty much everything. I've been told repeatedly by doctors to eliminate stress. Happy to. Piece of cake. Just one itty bitty problem there doc - exactly how do you avoid those stressful situations that are unavoidable? Eh? Of course sometimes (oftentimes?) you just can't. So I go visit my galpal Sandy and decompress :o) Anyhoo, right after school let out DH asked me to postpone my scheduled summer trip to Sandy's until the last week in July, as he had some vacation time that week and wanted to go with me. Faculty was due back on July 31st this year; which is considerably earlier than last year. Although I knew that going to visit my friend so close to the start of school would make things more hectic, I wouldn't have traded that visit for anything! I spent a little (okay, a LOT) more time scrambling when the "big day" (first day for faculty) arrived, but the important thing is that I made it; albeit thoroughly frazzled ;o)
Photo inset: Although the color of the horse may vary, this is my most favorite view in the whole, wide world! We'll call it my happy-happy-happy place *laugh* ;o)

About the time I went back to work/school, DD decided to come home for another (other) visit. Pretty sure I see more of her now than I did when she lived here ;o) Sometime near the end of her stay, during casual conversation, she made a comment along the lines of, "Oh, and I need to give the electric company some money, too...". It was with extreme trepidation that I chose to explore that particular sentence a little more deeply. Taking a deep breath, I asked her if she had actually paid her electric bill. "Wellllllll... I didn't really have enough money to pay it, but I will." "Oh, child of mine..." I thought, "This is NOT going to end well." I explained that the power company would probably not be as nice and understanding as Mr. Landlord has (he has been wonderful, allowing her to split her rent between checks when she didn't have enough to cover it all at once). I told her they would simply cut off her electricity, and it would cost her a small fortune to straighten it all out. I pointed out that having her power cut off in 100 degree weather would be more than inconvenient. For one thing, she would have to pay a hefty fee to have it turned back on. For another, she would lose everything in her refrigerator and freezer; not to mention how disgusting it is to have to clean out a bunch of spoiled food - learned that one compliments of Hurrican Opal who blessed us with 11 days without power and raspberries to that). "Ohhhhhh, wow.", said she. Well.

Didn't I get a text message saying that very thing upon her return home? *facepalm* The long and short of it? (though I think I'm mostly long here ;o) is that after two years of stubborness and self-inflicted stupidity (not to mention a boatload of monetary transfusions from her folks), DD has finally figured out that perhaps she wasn't quite as ready as she thought to move out. Why do we all seem to learn that lesson the hard way? Yeesh. I was happy to learn she wants to live closer to home again though - Hooray! SO, we've been house-hunting. It'll have to be some kind of major fixer-upper project in safe area (nearby, of course) that, hopefully, we can (almost) afford. In other words, we are praying for a miracle. The house hunting is, of course, being done in my spare time (of which I have none *rolls eyes*).
Photo inset: This photo has nothing to do with DD per se (other than the whole "baby bird having left the nest" thing - HaHa) but I thought I'd introduce "Gabe", a juvenile Cardinal, who has been hanging out in the Redtop near the feed room recently. I named him after one of my favorite pint-sized pals who happens to have a soft spot for Cardinals (you know who you are ;o) Juveniles are easily discerned from adults by their bedraggled appearance. Poor guy looks like he was chewed up and spit out at least once, don't you think? *laugh*

As if the snipe hunt for housing was not enough, just as school kicked into high gear in week two with students returning, my Dad told me that my Mom had been diagnosed with Dementia at her checkup. He was devastated, though I was not at all surprised. Actually, that was considerably better than the diagnosis I had been expecting. Quite frankly, I had been expecting to hear the "A-word" - Alzheimer's. Since I don't think I've really said a whole lot about Mom here, I need to give you some background first. I have found myself becoming increasingly concerned over certain things with my Mom over the past few years, some small - some not so small. I call my parents pretty much every day to make sure everybody's okay and we'll chat for a bit. I also see them all the time as they live only 4 miles up the road. Somewhere along the line, I started noticing that Mom was beginning to repeat herself quite a bit. She'd say things that were completely untrue or misrepresent things that someone said (like conversations she and my dad had while I was there). She'd lose track of where she was in a conversation and go down a rabbit hole (which could go on for miles). Sometimes she'd pull a comment from out in left field; or just sort of ramble a bit about things that made little sense before trailing off oddly. (Sidebar: If any of this is freaking you out from a personal perspective - don't worry - I can ramble and/or be irrelevant with the best of them, but there's a definite difference here ;o)

For the past two years, I would ask my dad to talk to the doctor about it every single time she had a checkup, but every single time he did she was able to answer all of the doctor's memory questions and was determined "just fine". I really got scared about a year or so ago when she asked me for directions to the bathroom - the one at my HOUSE - the same house we have lived in for 25 years. I started pointing out more and more things that concerned me to my Dad left and right, but he would just kind of shrug them off. Sometimes during our morning chats Mom would talk [literally] nonstop and then yell, "LET ME FINISH!" even though I hadn't said a single word during the entire diatribe. She became increasingly testy, and would snap and snarl at everyone. She became suspicious of everything, to the point of paranoia; accusing us of all manner of underhanded things. Most un-Mom like behavior.
Photo inset: The "science experiment" growing inside a cookie jar in my parent's kitchen. I have NO idea what it was in its former life, (Rosemary? Pine?), but I do know that in its current state it is just plain Scary. Yikes! I pointed it out to my Dad, who immediately threw it in the trash.

I spent quite a bit of extra time with Mom this summer, and began to notice more and more things that disturbed me. What really terrified me? That so many of the things I noticed closely resembled the behaviors exhibited by my grandmother (my Dad's Mom). Nana had Alzheimer's, and she lived with us during what I sometimes think were the worst six months of my entire life (even after chemo and company). Not a very thing nice to say out loud, perhaps, but oh so true. At the time I agreed to care for her, I was under the impression that Nana was early stage Alzheimer's (according to Dad and the doctor) and she had been kicked out of the assisted living facility where she lived due to her diagnosis. With a job, a family, and ten horses (at the time) to care for, I really didn't want to do it (but my Dad pleaded with me so I did). Their house was two stories; my Mom would not be able to handle it; along with various and sundry other reasons that they were unable to care for her so it fell to me. Please don't misunderstand, I loved my grandmother but it was a frightening responsibility to take on (and little did I know just how completely it would overwhelm my life). Turned out that Nana was more like middle/end stages and the situation rapidly dissolved into a nightmare. Though we had a sitter while I was at work, once I got home I was IT. Nana didn't know who I was at all, but hated me with a passion, She hated DD as well.

Nana refused to "stay" anywhere. If I so much as turned my back for a moment (even to stir something on the stove), she was gone. Trying to feed the horses was awful - I was constantly running in and out of the house to check on her whereabouts (she had a lovely picture window in her room and a place to sit and watch the horses, but she would not stay there). She would repeatedly refuse to use her walker, then fall. She kept me up all night long "Sundowning". Sometimes she would try to leave the house; we had an alarm on her door and a baby monitor in the bedroom so I could listen out for her. It was awful. I can remember calling my Dad (who thought I was greatly exaggerating) in tears begging for a night sitter just so I could get some rest. It was quite expensive, so we ended up with a sitter once a week on Thursdays. That was pretty much the only decent night's sleep I could get. Although I had been ready to toss in the towel after the second week, I toughed it out for six long months until I could take it no more. How to put this delicately? I drew the line when Nana started playing with her food, after it had passed through her digestive system. If you're not quite following that, trust me when I tell you, you really don't want to know. In any case, taking Mom shopping and watching her look for her wallet in her purse by pulling everything out (including the wallet) only to put it all back in again then take it out over and over was something I'd seen before. So was the testiness, the rambling, and a hundred other little things. I don't even have the words to describe how badly seeing these behaviors in my own Mom frightened me.

The doctor referred my mother for an MRI, which is standard procedure for a Dementia diagnosis, and Mom asked everyone in art class to please pray for her because the doctor suspected she had a brain tumor (see what I mean?) One week later my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease. My father is absolutely beside himself and has not taken the news well at all. He finally admitted to me the other day that somewhere, deep inside, he wondered but he just couldn't bring himself to go there. He'd taken the checkbook long ago, was doing all the cooking and even the laundry. She asks him five times a day what day it is (she also asks me the same question - over and over - during our morning chats). To be honest, I don't want to go their either (at all - EVER) but I'd much rather be proactive than reactive. Wouldn't you? He is adamant that she is "just" in the early stages, but I'm not so sure. From what I've read, I'm fairly certain that Mom is already in the middle stages of the disease (here). I am trying to ease my Dad into reality, without causing him any more stress (I'm worried he'll have a heart attack) but it's not easy. Right now I'm trying to talk him into getting her a really pretty bracelet (that she can't take off) with his name and cell phone number on it. Why? Because as I was watching for my Mom to come home after a "Circle Meeting" at the community clubhouse this summer (it's catty-corner directly across the street from their home), I caught sight of her as she walked right past their house and started off down the street. Stepping outside, I called out to her and asked where she was going. Without missing a beat, she looped around and walked back through the neighbor's yard saying, "Oh, you know, I just thought I'd go this way today." Man-oh-man, are we in trouble... Big, BIG trouble. *sigh*

So, now you know all the dirty details behind the missing posts (and why I think I've consumed about 50 pounds of chocolate in the last month ;o) Thank you so very much for reading this far, and I sure do hope you got to eat that doughnut. Have a blessed week and a happy Labor Day. Hugs!

Dramamamas, Digital Dreams and the Call of Duty

BoyOhBoyOhBoy (and NOT in a good way, 'neither)
Head's up: **Coffee and a doughnut post**

While we were still sniffling over Sarabear's departure, DD said she wanted to spend a couple of nights at D's house. This was a friend of hers from [her] church, but someone I had not yet met (bear in mind that she was 22 years old and out of college, so I didn't exactly grill her over it). If nothing else, it seemed a nice distraction for her from the Sarabear blues we all had. After the first few days, however, DD stopped texting which made me a little nervous - we talk all the time throughout the day - but I figured she just got busy and I opted to give her some space. After more than a week passed without a word I was getting scared, and by the end of almost three weeks with no response at all to my [increasingly frantic] texts, I was rapidly becoming a basket case. Kicking myself for not finding out specifically where she went - but who predicts this kind of thing with a good kid? - I nearly wore out my knees in prayer and finally managed to come up with a message that I was pretty sure would get her attention and generate a rapid response:

Come home RIGHT NOW or I will cut off your phone.

Well, DD came home that same evening and looked at me as if I were a half a bubble off when I asked her WHAT was going on and where on earth she had been. She rolled her eyes, sighed in exasperation and said, "Remember Mom? I've moved out." Shaking my head, I blinked several times and stuck a finger to my ear and wiggled it around. Maybe she wasn't the only one with the hearing loss. Maybe I'd just lost mine. Huh? Wait. What?? Rewind please - and stay calm Jennifer - you can handle this. Actually, I don't believe I can. Nope, not at all. My right eye started to twitch.
"DO WHAT?!?" I roared. Calm? Calm? Kiss my big toe, I'll show you calm (but it is NOT gonna to be today).

Now I don't know about you, but my rendition of "moving out" had a completely different sequence to it. I remember distinctly that the announcing came BEFORE the leaving. Did yours go in that order too or am I nuts? I believe there was a distinct difference in the overall definition as well. Moving entailed the acquisition of many boxes followed closely by the packing and hauling off of large quantities of stuff within said boxes, leaving Mom lots of room to hide er, I mean store her surplus of craft items. DD's room was just as it had been the month before; crammed slam full of her things. I explained all of this to her quite thoroughly and even pointed out that Mr. Webster and I both viewed her actions in the same light:

²runaway

adjective —used to describe a person who has left home without permission
I scratched my head as she continued to exhort her emancipation via adulthood. Although I did not (and still don't) feel that she was ready for the world, she was adamant about being on her own.  My pleas for her to wait until she had saved some money and I could help her become better equipped for the big, bad world fell on deaf ears (both literally AND figuratively). What was I gonna do? Pray, obviously and turn her over to the Lord; that was all I could do. I'll admit to the sudden overwhelming urge to ground her until she was 50, but I was pretty sure that wasn't gonna fly...
Not long after her sudden decision to move the first time, we learned that she was suffering from severe depression (which probably played a pivotal role in her overly impulsive decision-making tendencies). It has been a long, hard year for all of us with a second disappearance, multiple unknown addresses, and several other prayerful and scary times.  Although DD has moved several times, she has finally landed in a safe place where she can get her feet under her (I hope) and thankfully, I know exactly where she is (renting a room from a close friend of mine). 

DD has now improved to the degree that she was finally able to stop taking all those frightening meds for depression (which were making her suicidal and disturbingly vacuous). Honestly, they seemed to hinder more than help her progress. Scary stuff. She has been discharged from counseling, and she now comes home for regular visits. Thank You, Lord! WOO! :o)  In the midst of it all, DD was combing rescue shelters daily in search of a canine companion. Although she has always wanted a Rottweiler, God had a better plan. Doesn't He always? Funny how that works. DD was hoping like crazy that she would find a Rottie in need of rescue and I was hoping like crazy she wouldn't. I prayed instead that God would find a way to make it work for her and He did. Now don't get me wrong, I wanted DD to have a dog, it's just that a Rottie is a LOT of dog and [consequently] a large financial responsibility and her meager income just wasn't up for it. She was SO obsessed, that at one point she was even talking to a breeder in Tampa. He had a lovely selection of registered championship Rottweilers: DD could have her pick of the litter for the bargain price of $3,000. Oh, and we'd have to go 400 miles to pick it up, too (do you need to guess who she asked for that particular favor?). Have you lost your tiny mind O child of mine? *faceplam* Must. Pray. Harder.

Well, it seemed that one of her former roommates (one of many that mom was rather leery of) could no longer keep her little dog and had decided to turn it over to a kill shelter. Yikes. Diamond was a cute 10 month old Chihuahua/Terrier mix who had the misfortune to belong to a [very irresponsible] girl - disguised as a grownup. Said girl is now, of course, a former friend of DD's (huh, Mom was right after all - well wonders never cease). It happened that this same little dog had been very dear to DD while she was living there; she talked about her furry friend Diamond constantly and had even sent me several pictures of her. The two of them seemed to have a relationship built on mutual adoration and Cassandra missed Diamond terribly when she moved. Anyhoo, it was DD to the rescue and apparently just in time as her owner had basically stopped feeding her (poor little thing was alarmingly thin). Seems the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree either because when DD took her new best friend to the vet to have her checked out, given shots, wormed, given a flea treatment and spayed - NONE of which had been taken care of by her previous owner - the following conversation took place:
Vet: Well she looks fine - just needs fattening up, but I'm afraid I can't do much for her right now.
DD: Why? What's wrong?
Vet: Nothing's wrong, I just can't spay her until after she has her puppies.
DD: PUPPIES????????????

I wasn't with her, but I did get a frantic S.O.S. text message about 10 seconds after their conversation ended. Seems we didn't credit her previous owner with enough stupidity; a puppy having puppies. *sigh*  We hoped and prayed for a healthy but tiny litter - just one or two, please? Well, Diamond gave birth to six absolutely adorable (and thankfully healthy) puppies. Oh my. It was a wonderful blessing for DD to watch their births - she kept me posted throughout with excited texts and photos. So, DD still comes to visit us but now it's with a tail-wagging entourage. I've been playing puppy grandma and helping out as much as I am able to with their care until she can find them all homes. We've found homes for two so far; four left. DD is - and we are - doing much better and though my knees do seem to be developing callouses I'm still praying away for God to keep her safe. Aren't they just adorable?

Thank you for reading my rambles, and have a blessed week everyone!

And now in honor of Mother's Day

To say that the natives are getting restless would be a definite understatement. More like the proverbial angry mob. For whatever reason, our spring break is much later than usual this year and everyone is sick. Sick of school, sick of schoolwork, and sick of each other. Tempers are in short supply, and sixth grade girl drama is at all time ridiculous high. I feel as though I have spent the week in the trenches for a Hollywood tabloid more than an elementary school. The phrase, "So and so is ruining my life!" coupled with shouting matches, shrieking hysteria and boatloads of tears have cropped up almost as many times as the political phone calls this week. I'm telling you; it's enough to send a grown woman into hiding under the first available desk. Between the two I'm just about ready for the loony bin. Even the normally level-headed kids have gone 'round the bend. Help!

Perhaps this is apropos, as it puts me in an appreciative frame of mind for jury duty next week. Criminals? Bring 'em. I'm ready to hang out in a saner, more peaceful environment. *sigh*

Not long ago, I stumbled across an interesting post (on a blog I can't remember the name or location of) about a handy little site called Clipix. Filed the information away to scope it out later, then forgot all about it. Big surprise there. Well. Finally remembered it, managed to check it out, and I love it! Although I did the Pinterest thing, I didn't really care about another community deal and sharing stuff with the world so much as keeping track of it for me and that's the whole point of Clipix. Too bad I didn't clip that blog - then I'd know just where to find it. I've been using it mostly to collect horse articles, free crochet patterns and craft links. You can choose the display photo for your board from whatever pictures are on the site page, which lets me use a shot of the finished project and makes patterns a million times easier to sort through. Yay.
At the moment, I'm all over headbands. I wound up altering one of the headband patterns I liked and then splicing my favorite flower from the 101 crocheted embellishments book. What do you think? Cute? It has a tie, so it's nice and adjustable. Here's a link to the  pattern I used; it's from the Crochet and Crafts blog (don't forget I changed it slightly though!) I'm working on a different headband for infants; I'll let you know how that one turns out. I'm still looking for just the right flower pattern. Picky. Picky.
P.S. No stuffed animals were harmed in the shooting of this photo (Thanks for modeling it there, Nala ;o)

I also signed up for Shutterfly this week - the offer of 50 free prints was irresistible. Of course now I'm uploading like crazy and agonizing over which digital prints to order - I only have 30 days. So many choices, so little time....eek.
DD finished a little storage unit for one of the teachers at school this week and brought it. It was to replace a rickety old metal cart full of brightly colored drawers that was ready to collapse at any given moment. Since there was nothing wrong with the drawers, the teacher asked DD if she could make her something that would hold them, and this is what she made. Did a good job, didn't she? Not the best photo though; I think the camera lens on my cell phone could use a good cleaning. Meh.
On the day she delivered it, she got stopped on the way home by the local police. She had left a few minutes before me, and although I saw the flashing lights I didn't see who it was that Johnny Law stopped until I had already gone by (there was a big truck in the other lane blocking my view). Awful feeling to see DD's snappy little red pickup pulled over in the rearview; gave me heart palpitations, let me tell you. With nightmare visions of a $500 speeding ticket (and other such awful thoughts), I went back to make sure everything was okay.

Being careful to stop where I was easily seen on the opposite side of the median, I asked the policeman if he needed me to interpret anything. Now color me paranoid, but many misunderstandings have happened between deaf drivers and police; most do not end well (like the teenage boy who got shot because he went to get a notepad out of the glove compartment and could not hear the cop yelling at him to freeze). Now DD has great speech, but you just never know. Anyway, are you ready for this one? Must've been some bored cop. She was pulled over for driving too slowly. Yep. He wrote her a warning for doing 50 in the left lane of a 65 mph zone. The fact that there was a yellow intersection sign nearby with 45mph on it didn't seem to be an issue for him. Go figure. No ticket though, whew!!

Last but not least, was the almost jail break bright and early this morning. Thankfully, I was still outside waiting for the boys to finish eating and playing with the camera. I heard the pop and clank of chain and the subsequent squeal of the girls' gate swinging wide. Right on the heels of that were two very loud simultaneous whinnies emitted by Rina and Bella. I turned around to see both girls eyeballing Taya like an adult would an incorrigible child. Sometimes it doesn't take any thinking at all to translate horse speak: "MOM, Taya opened the gate!" in stereo. So funny; of course that's only because they didn't actually venture out. Yet again, I say "Whew!"

Little Miss Tootie Patootie looked completely crestfallen when I closed the gate back and wrapped the chain around the post so wouldn't be able to open it again. Just look at that pitiful expression (the heifer).

Oh my, I think I've talked too much this time. If you actually read this entire post, thank you (and have an appreciative hug). I'm so glad you stayed with me to the end. Éirinn go brách to those with Irish in their blood; have a blessed week everyone! :o)

Have You "Herd" the Road Trip Rule?

Here is something that I wish to say...


Dear Mom:

That horse-crazy gene came out of the blue,
I know that it made no sense to you.
You took me for lessons, bought me horse books,
helped me at horseshows; whatever it took.

Though they were never your cup of tea,
you always, always supported me.
The horse who trod carelessly on your big toe,
(bet you'll never forget that show :o)

The Breyers you bought me, and small figurines,
to have a real horse was always my dream.
And now that I am a woman grown,
God has blessed me with ten of my own.

Your horse loving child, now the mom of a teen,
surrounded by horses and on a  new dream.
To share the wonder of horses with many,
as a non profit charity, pinching those pennies.

I know that you are still shaking your head,
wondering how we will keep them all fed.
You don't understand their meaning to me,
yet you still help without needing to see.

Constant support and unwavering love,
these are things my mother's made of.

I love you Mom!

I made my mom a slide show video on DVD using some photos I took a few weeks ago of the flowers from her gardens, which are gorgeous! (the first four photos, however, are from my own much smaller garden). We were so darn happy for spring, it seemed that even the weeds looked pretty. Not only will these virtual posies live longer than the "real" thing (but hey, I suppose we can call them the "reel" thing right? *GROAN* :o) I wanted my mom to be able to take her beautiful gardens with her if and when they ever need to move to a smaller house. Enjoy!

Springtime in the South from Jen on Vimeo.

I'm thinking of doing a post Mother's Day giveaway of this DVD - what do you think? Interested? Have a wonderful and blessed week!

When I was in 7th grade, I took a 12 week drawing class at a local art school (Saturdays). While I desperately wanted to take the class, it was also intimidating as I would probably not know anyone else there and I was terribly shy. When I walked into the classroom that first day, I saw a girl I knew from school (one of the "popular" girls, who never EVER spoke to me at school). I remember wishing it could have been someone (ANYone) that I could at least halfway get along with for the next 12 weeks...
Imagine my surprise when Polly Popularity completely disregarded "the rules", came over and sat down next to me chattering away. She sat with me every Saturday for the entire 12 week session. Interestingly enough, she STILL never spoke to me at school. It was a good lesson for life with horses: "Better the devil you know".

We opted to add a special adventure this year by taking Champ and Lady to FFA's (Future Farmers of America) "Farm Day" at the elementary
school. Because Lady and Champ are in separate herds and pastures, they would not normally get along if we put them together at home. In a new environment, however, this rule can change completely for horses just as it does for people (like it did for my Saturday art classes :o) Isn't that something?

The horses were a huge hit with the kids and extremely tolerant of all the little hands reaching up to pet them. Many of the children had never seen a horse up close and oohed and ahhed at how soft their muzzles (noses) were. I was touched by the many expressions of wonder and amazement (not to mention the huge smiles) I saw on so many little faces throughout the day; it was a fabulous experience for all of us.


Champ was very interested in all of the other animals that were there, so we introduced him to a few of our favorites...



First he met the little chick, he thought it was pretty neat (he sniffed her most carefully :o)
















Next up was the bunny rabbit (Champ liked him too :o)




Last was the piglet. He was really interesting right up until he squealed loudly in Champ's face (this resulted in Champ hiding behind Lady for protection and brought an abrupt end to his interest in "meeting" anymore of those scary little critters that yelled :o)

All in all it was an exhausting, but absolutely wonderful day and I am so glad that we were asked to participate. It is truly a blessing to be able to watch the delighted expressions of hundreds of children seeing and touching these magnificent animals and knowing how happy it made them.

MORE INFORMATION ON FFA:
The National FFA Organization is dedicated to making a positive difference in the lives of students by developing their potential for premier leadership, personal growth and career success through agricultural education.
Organizational Name: National FFA Organization;

Changed in 1988 from Future Farmers of America to reflect the expanding career field of Agricultural Education.

Founded: 1928

Current Membership: 507,763

Number of Chapters: 7,439 in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands