IDGIs and Issues

...saying anything that might could would morph into a massive unloading [read: demented rant] from which your fingers may never recover. Not to mention the things you would just have to turn around and repent anyway. Right Jennifer? You betcha. So. In lieu of posting a twenty page diatribe explaining the circumstances I alluded to in my last post (found here, for those of you looking sideways at the screen and scratching your head in confusion) I'm going for the "less is more" version. I will, however, offer you a bulleted summary to accompany the picture to the left. Said picture being worth FAR more than a measly 1,000 words because it is an incredibly accurate depiction of my mental state during the time in question (albeit a disturbing one). Well, maybe not the male gender/mustache part. And yes, I entertained myself with the bullets in my little summary (what did you expect? ;o)

To quote Sergeant Friday (on a Friday no less), "Just the facts, Ma'am."

☁ My father got sick, then became ill (as in tempered). Then he got really ill (as in go to the hospital). What started as a plain old "vomit virus", turned into something far more serious over the course of a couple weeks.

☂ Ultimately, Dad required the better part of a week in the hospital which, in turn, required me to spend the better part of the week sleeping at my parent's house with Mom (Alzheimer's patients do not do well with any change in environment). This was, of course, in addition to working full time, caring for the horses, and spending time at the hospital. 

☔ Turned out my Dad had a pinched intestine (and did we even know that was a thing? Nope), which was ultimately - and thankfully - resolved without surgery.

It probably goes without saying that I ran around like a crazy woman throughout all of this at warp speed from home to work to hospital to home to Mom's and then back home again in the wee hours the next day.

UGH.

I also learned quite a bit about myself and (hopefully), I stretched and grew a little more spiritually and grace-fully. Ummm...How about this: I definitely grew, but it wasn't very pretty. Here's the rest (as politely as I'm able to phrase it):

☹ I love my parents. I really do, but they are not always easy (or pleasant) to be around. My dad, who is never sick, has to be the worst patient I think I have ever encountered (I'll take sick whiny kids any day). 

♰ It is a darn good thing that God's grace is sufficient, because I had nowhere NEAR enough of it for either one of my parents: both of whom managed to surprise (shock?) me with some truly obnoxious and downright hateful behavior.

⛅ Silver Lining? (sort of): It is absolutely possible, when you toss in enough stress-filled frantic, to drop five pounds in a single week without even trying (yes, I really did).

💡 I did a tremendous amount of introspection in the weeks that followed, and ultimately realized that I had a veritable boatload of unresolved emotions and resentments when it came to my parents that stemmed from years of internalizing. A BIG boat. Okay, maybe more like an armada. Since it is not my intention to engage in a round of "bash the parents" (a.k.a. the temptation from which I was - barely - delivered), I'll just say that there are people on this earth who can - and do - take condescension, [what I call] "destructive" criticism and personal dissatisfaction to a whole new level. I suppose one could also say that teenagers are not the only ones with the mindset that precious little outside of their own wants and needs should be considered. Yep, one could say that all right... *Ahem*. 
'Nuff said.

✋ I learned that setting healthy boundaries can be a wonderful and truly amazing thing. Just be sure to seek counseling from a trusted source first, and be as kind as as you can (in my case it was our pastor and a very close friend). I also had to give myself a couple added weeks of "calm down" time before drawing that line in the sand to keep things from turning ugly on my part. (I never said I was perfect ;o)
The end result?
I guess some people are just going to be the toast crumbs in your butter no matter what you do. Sort of a weird analogy, I guess, (but I'm hungry ;o)

So there you have it: my little tale of whoa (was me). As to the past couple of weeks? Busy, busy, busy. My bender is back; in spades! Hopefully, I'll have some pictures for you next time to show you what I've been up to. All I can say is Pinterest is a double-edged sword (handy, but dangerous). Have a blessed week, and stay sane. At least try. *laugh*

Adventures in Alzheimer's and Conversations with Mom

Sometimes I have thoughts; lots and lots of thoughts. I have been told (are you listening Karen? ;o) that I have far too many of them for one person. Most of the time they are bouncing around my brain in a jumbled mess, though I have been known to form a coherent one periodically. I can't help but laugh when I see all of those "Ideas for Blog Posts" pins on Pinterest. I have enough post ideas running around in my head for 47 different people. What I DON'T have, is the time to sit down and bang them all out. Rampant running ideas aside, many other thoughts are questions. Lots and lots of questions. Some days (like today) I wonder if other people wonder the same things I do; particularly those niggling little things that you never can quite puzzle out. Since I am a total acronym junkie (which is often a self-entertaining pastime), it seemed only fair that I should come up with a suitable acronym in order to share them with you. IDGI = "I Don't Get It". Maybe I'm not alone in some of the things I just don't understand. Then again, it could be just me...
Photo Inset: One of the Mums I planted in the whiskey barrel planter in the visitor area (I was experimenting with erasing backgrounds and in a hurry to finish this post. I freely admit it has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the subject in this paragraph, and I almost don't care (provided I don't think about it too hard, that is ;o)

A few of my IDGIs (not too many - I don't want to scare you ;o)

- Why is it socially acceptable for a 30-something (adult?!?) to wear their Batman jammies to the grocery store?*

- Why do we need attorneys to slap legalese all over everything? My personal favorite is, "Void where prohibited." Translation: It's no good where it's not allowed. Wow. Really?

- How do people on food stamps get to buy steak and lobster at the grocery store? I have a full-time job, and (with rare celebrational exception) I don't get to eat that stuff.

- Why do manufacturers put sweepstakes and/or prize labels on their packaging that say things like, "No purchase necessary, details inside"? Now I'm not the brightest bulb on the porch, but I'm pretty darn sure somebody's gonna make me buy it if I rip it open to check out those details.

- If I am inconsistent all the time, am I not therefore by definition consistent?

- How can it still be Black Friday now that it starts on Thursdays?

AND - as long as we're on the seasonal subject - when did Christmas start arriving before Halloween?

* Upon further consideration: Why does a 30-something guy even own a pair of Batman pajamas?

Do you have things like that running through your head? Or are you slowly backing away from your screen and reaching for a phone because you think I need professional help? (I probably do ;o)

I am SUCH a Loser...

I can't remember if I told you this (I'm pretty sure I didn't), but earlier this year I went to an art show and reception with my mom. Our art teacher had talked us both into entering something, which was a first for me. My dad had a meeting that afternoon, so he couldn't go with us (though he did go with mom later in the week to see our work "on display"). As someone who is completely non-competitive (can a person be anti-competitive??) I wasn't very excited at the prospect, but I did it for our teacher. And oh my, but Jen does a marvelous impersonation of a basket case. Oy. I'd never been to a juried art show before, so I had no idea what to expect. I had visions of people standing around criticizing my painting (it was only my second), laughing at it hysterically and wondering aloud who let the third grader in, or maybe I'd just trip over my own two feet at the reception and go sprawling; another of my call me grace moments (remember this post?). And silly me. Seems I needn't have worried about any of that. I was so doggone busy chasing mom around in circles that I didn't have time to even think about anything else. During the brief time we were there, mom managed to:

1. Dump an entire stack of cups in the punch bowl, then stick her hand in the punch to fish them back out;

2. Spill the cup of punch she finally managed to pour herself down the back of our art teacher's skirt when she gave her a hug;

- And (my personal favorite) -

3. Spend ten minutes digging around in a purse - pulling everything out repeatedly - before announcing in stunned surprise, "Heyyyy... This is not my purse!"

*Facepalm*

Thankfully, said purse belonged to a woman in the art class after ours, so at least it was someone we sort of knew. Even more of a relief? She had a really good sense of humor. I am telling you, by the end of that (mercifully short) reception I was wiped out. Alzheimer's, like so many of the trials we face in this life, often boils down to a laugh or cry scenario (and it's definitely a prayerful one!) In hindsight it's pretty funny, although now that I am facing a second show and reception next week I find myself reevaluating my sense of humor. On second thought...

Anybody want to go with me? 'Cause methinks I'm just a leetle bit scared ;o)
[Photo Inset: The watercolor painting I entered, "Ecclesiastes 3: Summer (Rose of Sharon).]

The conversations I have with my mother throughout the week (normal ones aside) range from tedious to hilarious. It is not always easy to speak in the same calm voice when answering a question for the 33rd time during a single conversation, but I sure do try (though sometimes I take so many deep breaths, I probably sound like an obscene phone call ;o) People with Alzheimer's are easily agitated, and sometimes this agitation can blossom into a major meltdown if you're not able to defuse it. It is incredibly helpful to have a bent sense of humor in such situations, so you can entertain yourself and calm the storm at the same time. I am, of course, a huge fan of multitasking (particularly when it works ;o)

I had the following entertaining conversation with mom the other day on the way home from art class:

Mom: [suddenly agitated] "Jennifer, I don't know where I am."

Me: [calmly] "Of course you do."

Mom: [panicking] "NO! NO! I don't! I don't know! I don't know! I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE I AM!!"

Me: [still calm] "You're in my car, Mom."

Mom: [annoyed] "Well I know THAT."

Me: [raising a brow] "See? I told you you know where you are silly."

Happily, mom found that observation hysterically funny, and for the rest of the ride she was just fine. Dodged a bullet there, eh? Whew!
[Photo Inset: Not terribly relevant, though it did put me in mind of the song "Bad Moon Rising" which is sort of apt when it comes to the volatility of an Alzheimer's patient. Ha. Taken with my "old" camera. The one I have now doesn't seem to be able to get the job done; I think I need some kind of filter - but quite frankly, I haven't a clue ;o)]

Guess that's all for this week - I'm off to try to shovel out the rest of our guest bedroom (the holidays will be here before we know it - ACK!) Thanks for reading this far, and have a blessed week everyone!

Ohhh, That Need for Speed...

I don't distract well. Are you kidding? I have enough trouble finishing tasks when I'm completely focused on them. Interrupt me, and everything just goes kaflooey. Where was I? What was I doing again? Argh! So frustrating. My thoughts these days too often feel scattered and I the older I get, the more trouble I seem to have reining them in. The feeling is best summed up by Jackie Chan's comment, "Your focus needs more focus." in the Karate Kid. That's just so, well, me :oP It boggles my brain how I can remember the words of a song I learned in the first grade, but am totally unable to remember what on earth I did with something I just had in my hot little hands ten minutes ago. *snarl* I'm pretty sure if I could get back all of the time I've wasted searching frantically for things I put somewhere [or another], I'd wind up with an extra year at my disposal (and wouldn't that be nice?). Maybe, just maybe, if I stopped setting things down in random places I wouldn't have to search for them so often. I'm thinking....velcro. What do you think?

One of the things that's fun about horses is having an open line of communication when training or, as I'd rather think of it, playing with a purpose (sounds lots more fun that way, doesn't it? ;o) Anyway, the horses will sometimes ask questions or offer behaviors when we're together to see how I react. I try to be attentive (though sometimes I'm oblivious) and offer immediate feedback; either a "No, we're not doing that right now", "Good girl/boy" or a "No ma'am/sir" depending on the question asked or behavior offered.  If you are not quite sure what I'm talking about when I say an offered behavior, a simple example would be when you are teaching your dog to lay down but he sits (the behavior offered) when you cue him to lay. Usually, he'll look to you for approval right away (the question asked). This is because he is not 100% sure exactly what it is you want him to do, so he offers a certain behavior to see if that's what you want. Does that make sense? I'll add that Mad Max, [photo inset] our resident hoovenile delinquent, wins hooves down for not only asking the most questions but also receiving the most "No sirs!", interspersed with regular "Absolutely NOTs!". Sometimes I do have to work really hard not to laugh at some of his antics (click here, here and here for some examples), even when he makes me crazed. Of course sometimes the horses just offer up a behavior out of the blue...

Case in point? A long time ago we used to put a heavy rope across the hill to keep the girls down at the bottom while we brought in a new roll of hay for them. Horses are not real big on waiting patiently when it comes to important things like hay and we didn't want them running around by the gate to the boys' pasture while it was open, either. Once we finished the girls' stalls, I would just close their doors while we did the hay. One day last year, after a long day, I realized I had forgotten to lock the doors and the girls were already out after finishing supper. Nuts. Since they stayed well away from the pasture gate while DH went in and out, we decided to not worry about the rope any more. Several months later I was headed up the hill to the gate to let DH out to get a new roll for the girls, when I looked back to see that Rina had stopped everyone at the bottom of the hill and was looking at me expectantly. I hollered out "Good girl Rina, hold!" and continued up the hill to open the gate. Now I really didn't expect that to work, but believe it or not they all stayed there. We ended up with a nice compromise: The girls now wait politely at the bottom of the hill - without a rope - but I tell them to "come ahead" as soon as DH gets through the gate with the hay. Isn't that a hoot?

There are just a handful of days left in the school year. Hard to tell who's more ecstatic; the kids or the faculty. Probably a tie. *grin* I finished this tatting project to match a homemade candle [photo inset] for a gift, and I also have a baby blanket to finish. Once school's out, it will be a boatload of cleaning and organizing on the home front, and then - IhopeIhopeIhope - I can get down to some serious organizing of the thousands of photos on my hard drive, completion of the pages on this blog, plus a massive overhaul of the Epic Farms website. Amazing, the lofty goals you can set with a functional internet connection. *laugh* Of course I'll probably have to start all over again trying to figure out how to use the web design software; safe bet it's all been changed since the last time... Old dogs and new tricks - here we go again! *facepalm*

As always, thank you so much for reading this far and have a blessed week!

So where'd ya go this time Jen??
     Of all my online doings, this blog is probably the thing I've missed the most. Although it was not my intention to literally drop out of site (again), it became an unfortunate side-effect of our ISP woes. Living in a somewhat rural area, our choices [years ago] were very limited when it came to internet service. Because we wanted a land line without the added expense of cable, we've been pretty much stuck with CenturyLink (and yep, I'm namin' names people). 
     Back in the day, their service was pretty darn good. I'd click on a page and it loaded just like it was supposed to. As the internet became more and more graphics intensive, however, we began to experience a definite reduction in speed. By the time of last year's post, it was taking an insane amount of time just to type a post (the preview window would hang up, my cursor would get stuck in one spot or disappear altogether, yadda-yadda). Uploading photos was awful. One by one, I gave up trying to accomplish things online in defeat. 
Fast Forward to a couple of weeks ago
      It occurred to me as I attempted to reply to an email at home (which took two hours and many repentable words to type and send one doggone message) that I had not revisited the land line/ISP conundrum for a couple of years. Habitual ruts do have their disadvantages, don't they? 
      Verizon's Hot Spot was still too limited (and pricey), however, TimeWarner (TWC) had started including a land line phone service in with some of their bundles. Hmmmm. Although it included cable, the price for all three services was only slightly higher than we were paying now for just two. One really, if you considered the utter uselessness of our internet. The big question was: Could we get it in our area? Yes, we could. *DingDingDingDing* Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner! Now I just had to convince DH (whose "ducttapeoughttadoit" mentality is: It doesn't effect me directly therefore it probably isn't really broken, so why would we need to fix it?) It took three days, four verbal dissertations, two heartfelt pleas and one rant (should've just started there, in retrospect ;o) to get him to finally agree to the change. (for some odd reason, the Twelve Days of Christmas song has suddenly popped into my mind - go figure). I am, therefore, proud to announce:

We have real Internet!

Some Perspective

     To give you an idea of just how bad it was, the state with the highest internet speed in the U.S. in 2014 was Virginia at 13.7mbps (I found a neat map here). Alaska came in dead last at 7mbps. My internet? Ha. It was supposed to be 6mbps; we were told to expect a minimum of 3mbps, but what we actually got was a pathetic 1.8mbps (when it wasn't raining, that is). Pages were loading in extreme slow-mo, and typing anything was a sight to [eventually] behold. I'd bang out a sentence, the cursor would disappear and after several seconds of waiting, the words would come up one letter at time. Made me crazed. 
      YouTube gave me frownie faces half the time when I tried to watch my crafting tutorials; we're talking regular videos here - anything HD wasn't happening at all. Adding insult to injury, my new[ish] computer was slowly hiccuping along as a result of our lousy connection. Windows updates (gotta love those, right?) took hours to download; sometimes days. Most programs now connect to the internet in the background, so if you have a poor connection your software will be adversely effected right along with your temper. Although TWC advertised speeds of 30mbps, I viewed that as an absolute impossibility. Shoot, I was having fantasies about 20mbps. 10, even. Do I hear 5? I am still reeling from the actuality: Would you believe we are getting a whopping 34mbps? Pages load  almost instantaneously (HD videos and everything!) and words actually appear as I type them. It's phenomenal. Colossal. Stupendous! 
Anyhoo, what now?
     Went on a bit more than intended here - this was supposed to be a coming soon paragraph - but I'm just SO excited to be back! *SQUEEEE* I have SO much to tell you guys! 

I am going to try really hard to get back into the swing of things over the next month or so. We're coming to the end of the school year which should, hopefully, free up some extra time for me (time seems to be in perpetually short supply, doesn't it?) I'm probably going to need a refresher course on which thing does what both here and on our site, but I'm hoping to get back into the swing of regular posts without hurting myself (and visiting everybody too - I've missed you!) Hopefully, I can give the blog a much-needed face lift and then try to tackle our sadly neglected website. My biggest challenge is probably going to be re-establishing the habit; not that I would ever forget anything, right? *facepalm*

As always, thanks for reading this far and have a blessed day!