Well Bless My Stress...

 So hi. It's been awhile (eek). This is the last post I started (in November) but never got the chance to finish before the insanity of the warp jump into the hectic holiday season hit (and flattened) me. I'm posting it "as is" lest you guys think I was abducted by aliens (well, it would certainly explain the flake factor, wouldn't it? ;o)

- Jen

Isn't it funny how those two things often coexist? What's that saying again? Blessed to be stressed? Ha. Sadly for the flawed human race (present company coming dangerously close to topping that particular dented can list), it is sadly simple to miss the blessings that are often completely eclipsed by the stressings. Maybe it's because those stressful things are all up in your face like Hollywood-sized block letters of flashing neon blinking madly, while the blessings tend to be in two point light gray type (and if you're seeing spots from all that flashing, well...it's easy enough to overlook, wouldn't you say?). I am, however, going to do what I am supposed to do daily but often forget when I'm busy having a crises-induced spaz fest: and that's count 'em. This is a photo of Mariah, by the way. I managed to squish in a quick trip to visit Sandy the weekend before my surgery since I wasn't too sure how that would end (I think I already told you that, didn't I?) My visits to Sandy's house are always a blessing! Anyway, Mariah's expression just seemed to fit my feelings at the time (if you know what I mean. *laugh*)

The biggest blessing at the moment would be the Divine BENIGN from the recent ovarian cancer question, and praise the Lord! Although you'd think I would have been bouncing off the walls over that one, my reaction was more along the lines of dissolving quietly into a large puddle of relief. Funny how life can change your prayers. I didn't even pray to not have cancer, only that I would be able to accept whatever God's will was. In other words I was ready if He asked me to, but I sure "dinwanna" walk down that particular path again (been there, done that, got the battle scars and a stupid T-shirt collection to prove it ;o) I do like the colors teal and pink together, just not in a ribbon. Know what I mean?

In other blessed news, my Body Language Lens on Squidoo was chosen as "Lens of the Day" which is a big whoopie-do in Squidland. *laugh* Unfortunately, everything else had gotten so crazily insane by then I really didn't get to enjoy it much nor did I have time to respond to all the lovely comments that poured in. Nuts. It's okay though; I can keep those warm fuzzies I get whenever I think about it, right? The biggest surprise came in an email offer to buy the lens; didn't see that one coming ;o) I didn't sell it, but I did make a new friend of sorts. Aiden and his pal Liza are building a monster horseback riding site and trying to generate some interest. I added a link to the lens to try and help them get some more traffic, and Aiden sent us a nice donation (for which we are extremely grateful). If you have a minute, please drop by thehorseridingsite and give them a boost. Tell 'em Jen sent ya. *grin*

On a sadder note, I'm afraid we may be coming to the point where we will have a difficult decision to make about Miss Sarabear. Although this looks like raffia ribbon, it is hay [photo right] and I believe it may be what initially caused Sara's heaves to suddenly and so dramatically intensify. We've been buying our hay (in big round bales) from the same farmer for many years, and never, ever had a problem. This was some very bad, very dark hay that was buried at the very center of a bale; just one of those things, I guess. Some stray dog could have peed in that spot in the field right before it was baled or something. Who knows? It wasn't a big section in the roll, but none of the girls would touch it. None, that is except Sara, who had her nose totally buried in it for reasons that completely escape me (it was dry, but stunk to high heaven - made me gag as I hauled it off). I took it away the moment I saw it, but I'm thinking the damage was already done. The initial steroid shot from the vet in conjunction with the SmartBreathe Pellets (SmartPak) seemed to do the trick, and I was feeling hopeful we could keep her from getting any worse. Then Sara had a series of relapses and her breathing difficulties just spiraled completely out of control. In a sense, Sara has been her own worst enemy in this, as she will not eat her feed if I put anything "else" in it; she'll either dump the whole thing over or flatly refuse to touch it. She has gone from being our chunkiest monkey last summer to looking like the wrong end of a rescue horse. For awhile, she would let me sneak a nutritional supplement into her feed; which is generally used to rehabilitate rescued/starving animals (and how depressing is that?) but now she won't even touch her feed if I put it in there. I just don't know what else to do for her. Although we are able to deworm her by sneaking bits of paste into pellets and hand feeding her until she gets the required amount, dosing her with anything else is out of the question; Sara simply won't allow it. She won't touch any kind of medicine no matter what I put it in (or by itself), she just gives me that "Do you think I'm stupid?" look. Her head shyness (from some idiot show trainer in her early days - halter classes) is SO deeply ingrained that even in her current sorry state - and after a second tranquilizer shot - she reared repeatedly when our equine orthodontist made what she considered a "wrong move" as he worked on her teeth.

Although we're feeding her three times a day, Sara's weight has been slow to return without the added weight gain supplement (I don't want her to founder).  Her interest in food is unpredictable, and sometimes she won't even touch her bucket. Unseasonably warm temps and people burning leaves in the area have only compounded the breathing issues (and not a thing I can do about either one). While I wouldn't go so far as to say Sara is suffering horribly, she is definitely uncomfortable and desperately unhappy to be by herself (but it's for her own safety/well being). We moved the girl's hay roll over by the fence line where Sarabear is so she can still feel part of the herd (and that's where she spends most of her time). My biggest concern at the moment - other than her weight - is a lack of shelter, now that her stall is inaccessible. Her last steroid shot was administered on November 24th and, sadly, does not seem to have made any difference. Actually, the last 2 or 3 steroid shots have not helped her breathing at all (it's 30 days between shots), so there doesn't seem to be much point in continuing to administer them. Because the damage heaves causes is irreversible, my fear is that this is as good as it's going to get which forces us to think in terms of quality of life issues. My poor girl. *sigh* Sara should be more comfortable with the colder winter temps, but right now we're just taking things day to day as this has been a very strange winter season. I hate this. Okay, now I'm depressed (and probably made you sad too; sorry).

Thinking, thinking, thinking... Okay, I