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How Come I Do Me Like I Do-Do-Do?

Saturday, October 3, 2015

Welllll... it looks like we can chalk another one up in the "What in the world were you thinking Jennifer?" column: otherwise entitled, "Self-Inflicted Stupidity in Spades" (which, as an acronym could be construed as "Si-Si's" - yes-yes's in Spanish - and accurately represents the sum total of an ongoing personal predicament). Okay, that was entirely too much digression [even for me]. Nice rabbit hole there, Jen. *UGH* I managed (yet again) to bite off WAY more than I could possibly chew. Do you do that? I do. On a regular idiot-friendly basis, I might add. I have a really, really rough time with the "N" word. As in NO. I have, quite literally, sat in meetings and bit my lip hard enough to hurt to keep myself from volunteering for something when I knew good and well it would be far too much and I'd wind up completely overwhelmed and stressed out. Unfortunately, an "Oh, I can do that" frequently pops out in spite of my best efforts to hold it in. Why? Not a clue. Boneheaded? Maybe. Glutton for punishment? Definitely. Most of the time, though, it happens simply because I want to help. The fact that I know that you can't possibly help everyone all of the time does not seem to stop me from trying. Sometimes, however, it's just a big fat brain blip (you know, the kind that comes with the triple threat of repercussions: STRESS, MORE STRESS and TOTAL MELTDOWN). A few weeks ago, my art teacher asked me if I wanted to go in with her on a booth for the local Art/Craft Show the following weekend. Obviously, I was in idiot mode at the time, because I responded with an enthusiastic "Oh, I'd love to!". Two days later, I found myself lamenting this decision, but was still delusional enough to think I could pull it off without too much trouble. Well ha. Ha, HA, HA. Delusional indeed.

By the following week, I was ready to pull my hair out (and I might have, too, except that it is finally starting to thicken again - plus, once the hair has left my head it kinda freaks me out to clean it up, because Ick."Why? Why do you DO this to yourself?!?" was my perpetual mantra. What is WRONG with you? Are you mental? Clearly, the answer was [is] a resounding Yes. I did indeed make it to the art show (in frazzled stressed-out-mess mode, but I got there!) and I have to say that it was SO not worth it. *rolling eyes* We're talking total bust. I have no idea where they advertised, but it was like a ghost town; the only thing missing were the tumbleweeds (not to worry though, I found one just for you). I can't even say I enjoyed myself, since I spent the better part of a day sitting there thinking of all the things I could have gotten done had I just stayed HOME. The only positive thing I can think to say is that I did sell two candles to my art teacher (she said they were Christmas presents for a couple of someones) so at least my portion of the booth rental was covered. I'm good with that, I guess. I mean it'd be even worse had I wound up paying to get so completely stressed-out, right? My art teacher did make me promise that I would slap her [really hard] should she ever ask me to do such a thing again in the future  (so maybe it wasn't just me then, eh? ;o)

On the upside, my friend Lori has gallantly volunteered to run interference for me in the future as my official Nay-Sayer. (I am to direct any and all requests for my assistance through her). Why, you might ask? Because I completely blew my shining moment, that's why. After a lengthy discussion (otherwise entitled, "See Jen Vent") with Lori and another friend Cathy after church - both of whom agreed that I had a big problem telling people "No" - they gave me a marvelously encouraging pep talk and pointed out that I was already overloaded by default (true). Then they had me practice saying, "I'm sorry, but I just can't." I don't know why it's such an issue for me, but it's HUGE. The biggest thing that bothers me about it? I wind up saying "No" to the people I don't want to say no to (like friends and family), or I miss my weekly blog post because I've already said yes ten too many times. So why on earth do I keep doing it? I sure wish I knew, because I absolutely infuriate myself sometimes. ARRGH! The topic turned to other things and it was quite awhile later that Lori said, "Oh, I meant to ask you; do you think you could fix a meal for the W--- family next week?" Taking a deep breath and thinking about the coming week's chaotic schedule, I closed my eyes and said.... "When?" Of course both of them yelled "NO! NO! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY NO!!" at me simultaneously. Apparently that was a test, which I failed. Dismally. *facepalm*
What's the definition of insanity again? Oh yes: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Oh dear.

And... for those of you who like doodle and draw, I started a [sketchbook] joy journal the other week. Faith based, and full of whatever it is that I feel like adding to it. Initially I just wanted to practice lettering, largely because it's an übercool skill to have. I figured I may as well find a fun way to do it, hence the journal. Since it's now October and we're all "in the pink" (so to speak), I thought I'd share this page with you. It's not finished - obviously - nor is it a masterpiece, but the journal has been kind of a (hit and miss) therapeutic thing for me in the evenings.
I sure do enjoy doing it ;o)
[Pitiful photo, compliments of the crummy camera on my cell phone. Meh. :oP

Speaking of artistic endeavors, somebody special (actually two somebodies, since the taller one included a note ;o) sent me a happy-happy-happy moment. Isn't it awesome? Look:


Soooo putting them BOTH in my joy box. Thanks so much for reading this far, and have a blessed week!



14 comments:

  1. Love the drawings. They are great. Have a great day.

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  2. You're not the only one who always gets in trouble volunteering. I like to help people out too but often find I'm overwhelmed at times. There never seems to be enough time in the days to do all I need to do. But I'm sure everyone appreciates a helping hand now and then.

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  3. Grey Horse: Boy, isn't that the truth? Sometimes I wish we had those 36 hour Centurion (?) days (Men in Black) but then I figured those would probably do me in completely. *laugh* They do indeed, and if I had about twelve of them myself I'd be in much better shape ;o)

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  4. aw Jen you should have seen that test coming....lol I hope you do lots of studying and are more prepared for the next one. No is hard to say but with practice it will get easier. I like your sketchbook page.

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    1. You'd think so, wouldn't you? Just pitiful. *sigh* Apparently I need some serious tutoring in that particular area ;o) Glad you liked the sketchbook page!

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  5. Jen, I've been there way too many times also. I, long ago, learned the hard way to LEARN to say no. It was difficult once and got easier and easier the next time and the next.

    Love your "Joy Box" idea. That's awesome.

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    1. Anni: I think I'm still in the process part of the learning. I'm REALLY hoping to catch on soon though. *laugh*

      My own joy box was given to me by a friend years ago when I was going through chemo - it was just one of those pretty decorative boxes. I wrote a poem a few years ago that went along with the idea and have made quite a few of them as gifts. One of these days I hope to list one in the Etsy shop (it's on "the list" ;o)

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  6. I'm learning to say No but even if I do manage to say No, I feel so guilty I might as well have done whatever it was in the first place! At least you sold two candles! :)

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    1. Beaded: See? See? That is SO me - that guilt thing is just awful, isn't it? Yes, I was glad of that sale; those candles were my consolation prize ;o)

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  7. Very cool ribbon for your joy journal (I love the name of that by the way). Thanks for stopping by my blog! :)

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    1. Katy: Hello and welcome! Thank you for the return visit AND the lovely comment ;o)

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  8. Your blog is beautiful. I love the layout and the photos and the sketches! Oh! Splendid! And your candid wisdom - yes, I have learned much from you...thanks

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    1. Kimby: Flattery will get you everywhere sistafriend! *snicker* Not sure how much wisdom I have to impart, but I'm pretty sure I've got the candid part of the equation down ;o)

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