Epic Fail-yers (coffee and a donut post)

Soooo, how's it going? Good week? Yes? No? Jury still out on that one? How about the whacked out weather - fun for you? Obviously, I'm punchy; been that way all week (no idea why, really, but it happens). On Monday and Tuesday the temps were right at 80 are-you-kidding-me degrees (actually passed a woman in a strapless top on my way into Winn Dixie, which is just so wrong for January). The horses are shedding and the plants are completely confused. Of course that was before Wednesday's storms blew in a cold front and at the moment, it's 33 out. I think over the weekend it's supposed to be in the upper 20's. Hey I know! We can all get really sick; won't that be fun? Meh.

Between the weirdly warm weather and people burning almost constantly in the area (five out of seven days last week) I'm scared to go outside in the morning to check on Sara, but she's hanging in there. A happy thanks to Lori at Skoog Farm Journal for sponsoring my V-8 moment by mentioning beet pulp, which I had completely forgotten about (having initially gone a different direction for weight gain). I'm delighted to report that Sara loves it, although she will not eat it if I mix it in with her feed (so now we have a pan of beet pulp and a pan of feed three times a day). Whatever works, right? As happy as it makes me to see her chowing down, however, I have to tell you that stuff is superduper stinky (as in P.U. EWWW). My nose is hypersensitive, so I am not a fan of any kind of strong odor at all. Stuff's worse than sauerkraut. Blech.
Speaking of beet pulp, the kids are working on various types of poetry in Reading class right now. While composing poems isn't overly interesting to a deaf student (for obvious reasons) I'm having a lark:
Inky, stinky beet pulp.
  I fix you and I scowl,
  you are so very foul.
  You make me wanna barf,
  yet Sarabear will scarf.
Inky, stinky beet pulp.
Ha. See? Told you I was punchy. All seriousness aside, that stuff really does smell "offal". OH, GEEZ THAT WAS BAD! Bwahahahaha :o) *cough* Sorry.

Let's move on, shall we? One of the things I decided to splurge on with my Christmas money was the latest version of PrintShop. Trying to stay on that cutting edge can really get expensive, so I don't update stuff very often. Do you keep up with upgrades? I've been using PrintShop since the dot matrix days (around 1991), and have absolutely positively loved it. Since I use it all the time to edit photos and do lots of Epic Farms stuff, I thought it might be a good idea to upgrade to 3.0 since it's been several years. My biggest interest in the upgrade was the ability to edit vector images, use overlays, and make my own nifty watermark for photographs. Armed with a GoodShop coupon, I bought 3.0 Professional. I was SO excited to get that package; I could hardly wait to get it installed and start playing around. And har-dee-har-har was that joke ever on me. Imagine my surprise to find that my forever favorite user friendly program had bypassed unfriendly and gone straight to downright hostile. For reasons that completely escape me, Broderbund did away with many of the best features of PrintShop and somehow managed to turn it into one of the most user UNfriendly programs ever created. I mean, I totally hated it. Guess I should have read the reviews first, as they were terrible, but I never even gave it a thought until after I bought it.

Happily, Broderbund offered a 30 day money back guarantee (see Jen get RMA and make beeline to post office). As an aside, if you ever have to return something like software be sure to ask for a delivery confirmation. It costs a little bit more, but gives you proof your package arrived so you don't wind up in the "We didn't get it so sorry, too bad no refund for you." category. In chatting with my brother one afternoon, he mentioned using Photoshop which I had not thought about in a very long time. Once upon a time, I had Photoshop Elements 2.0, (which should tell you how long ago it was: think dial up). I bought it planning to restore some old family photographs, but it was SO ridiculously complicated that you just about had to take a college course to learn how to use it (although it did come with a handydandy clear-as-mud manual). Anyway, I'd avoided it like the plague ever since. What can I say? It scared me ;o) I started wondering what kind of changes - if any - might have come about since then. This is Cupcake, by the way. My friend Sandy's little Lionhead bunny; isn't she adorable?
I decided to investigate, and discovered that Adobe offers the full-blown version in a 30 day try-before-you-buy download (it's here if you're interested). A free full featured test drive? Really? Woo! I'm so there. I downloaded Photoshop Elements 11, and I have seen the light [insert choral "Ahhhh" here]. BOY have they changed that software; totally user/idiot friendly. Definitely my kind of program. Throw in a little AdobeTV with a boatload of step by step tutorials, and it is completely learnable (even for me). My old 2.0 was still good for the upgrade price, but I actually found it cheaper on Amazon (yay) so I'll be ordering it as soon as I get my Broderbund refund. *Bounce*Bounce*Bounce* :-D As you can see, I've already figured out the watermark thing. Guess that's all for now; next week we'll talk about how to make yourself feel seriously stupid in one simple step: it's SO me ;o)
Have a blessed weekend and week everyone!

Well Bless My Stress...

No, no, no, not YOURS yers (MINE yers). *sigh* After much internal debate (read wrestling), discussions with our vets (first one then the other one), debates with DH and a couple of our horse loving friends - not to mention a boatload of research - we have come to the inevitable (and crushing) conclusion: Sara's not going to get any better. Ever. For those of you new to the blog, our Sarabear was diagnosed with Heaves/COPD last year and in spite of everything, has gone from bad to worse to awful. So awful, in fact, that I keep expecting to see someone from the Sheriff's office appear on our doorstep to investigate a starving animal report (although the rest of the horses are pretty much on the tubby side of life). In a way, Sara's troubles seem an awful lot like my own health hiccups; the disease and its symptoms just didn't follow those "classic signs". Added to that were things like heavy smoke from people burning somewhere nearby, crazy winter weather (80 degrees in January? Seriously?) and a stubborn girl who just won't let us help. PHOTO:This is one of my favorite pictures of Sara taken last year. We had just put out a new roll of hay, and the rest of the girls had already gone thundering by. Sarabear has never been one to hurry, although she does look awfully cute prancing her way up the hill.

Heaves symptoms generally appear around age 8, although I have no idea if she exhibited any signs at that time. She came here at age 14, and had a very slight cough, but only once in a great while. Since this area does quite a number on the sinuses (I never had allergy issues until I moved here), and her cough followed the same pattern we didn't really think much of it as it never got worse. I had little knowledge of heaves, because it was generally an issue that effected stabled horses (ours are on 24/7 turnout with shelter available). Besides, surely her owner would have told us if she had a serious condition, right? Betting that one got a laugh or ten out of one of you out there. (insert eye roll here). Ignorance may be bliss, but it sure can cost you a pretty penny. Not to mention drag you heart first through the emotional wringer. Sara is eating more feed per day than all eight other horses combined; and she is still skin and bones. She will not eat more than what we're giving her now, although I've also been giving her treats in between feeding. PHOTO: This was also just last year. Funny how her coat looks so different; it was taken very early in the morning (her little white markings were a funky blue until I corrected the color cast).

The sad thing is, I can't even sit here and say it's been a long road because it really hasn't been long at all. Tough? Oh, most definitely so. Frustrating. Disappointing. Maddening. Infuriating even. And very, very, depressing. The past several months have been a roller coaster ride of high expectations, dead ends and false hope that something (anything) would change. Smack in the middle of it all was Sarabear who, if I am going to be honest, is her own worst enemy. She refuses to eat any of the medicines or herbal supplements no matter how I try to disguise them/hide them (although she has always been okay with eating worm paste in increments hidden in small handfuls of sweet feed). Anything else though? Nope, not having it; she just knocks it right out of my hand and walks off. Certainly she won't let me put anything in her mouth that comes in a tube or syringe. Nosiree Bob; that's not happenin' either, she'll rear straight up. Funny thing is, she's the only one we have that I can't schmooze into eating or even forcibly dose if I have to (not to mention the only one that rears up). How's that for irony? PHOTO: Sara catching a few zzz's by the stalls (I woke her up trying to get a shot of her snoozing; had to settle for a sleepy expression instead ;o)

The short version is this: Sara's appetite is extremely unpredictable, and as a result she is pretty much skin and bones. Sometimes she'll gobble her feed right up, sometimes she'll take a bite and won't eat any more and sometimes she'll dump it all out. Just yesterday she opted to flip her bucket over and waste all the feed instead of eating it (again). If I put the bucket "up" (which is better for her breathing than on the ground), she won't touch it at all. She is furious with me for separating her from her pasture pals, and has now taken to chewing up all of the wood in protest. Up until about 3 weeks ago, we thought she would make another rally. Appetite had stayed fairly consistent and she was starting to put on a little weight. It was probably when I started feeling a little too hopeful that she reversed direction and has been going downhill since. Because horses under stress (and heaves definitely qualifies as stress) can lose up to 50 pounds in one night, you can imagine what she looks like now. Wit's end here. I opted not to post a photo of her current condition for the simple reason that I am afraid someone will misinterpret it. I'm sure many of you will find this quite shocking, *tucks tongue in cheek*, but there are an alarming number of people out there that would take something like that and run with it; without bothering to get the whole story. Even though I can back up everything I've posted about Sara, I just don't want to go through all that. It's hard enough as it is, you know?

Another epic fail (almost) was the Etsy shop, which was supposed to have been closed for a "brief" period while I re-shot photos for my listings. Let me just throw in a ha-ha-HA. *cough* Umm...hmmm. It's been more months that I wish to count since I've even given it a passing thought (and that was a couple of months after I stuck it on vacation mode).  Yikes. It was only after I got a friendly reminder from the Etsy for Animals team about the membership rules (resulting in a holy cow *slap to the forehead* jumpstart) that I realized just how long it had been. Ruh-Roh. Bad Jen. Very bad Jen. *wince* After some frantic scrambling - and a few repentable words - I am happy to say that the shop is now back open. Of course I've only manage to retake about five photos, but I must say I really like the way they turned out. That was probably tacky of me to say out loud, wasn't it? Sorry. Anyhoo, it's another nod to irony the way that went, too, as the proceeds from the shop would have definitely come in handy towards Sara's expenses. *sigh* Oh well, going for better late than never yet again, eh?
So there you have it (or most of it, anyway - I actually skipped some of the Sarabear stuff as I was beginning to feel a tad maudlin). Meh ;o/ Since I hate to end on an icky note, how about something to give you a giggle? (although for me, it was more like a much needed gut-busting laugh). As most of you know, DD is deaf and there is a lot of misinformation out there when it comes to lipreading as a form of communication. Believe it or not, only 30% of the words we use are clearly visible on the lips; the rest is guesswork (and if you don't believe me, stand in front of the mirror and watch your lips as you say "bay, pay, may" ;o) This came through one of my interpreting lists the other day, and I thought I'd share it with you. It's from badlipreading.com and just boggles the mind how well the wrong words fit:
Have a blessed week everyone, and hug those furballs!

From Rough and Tough to...

 So hi. It's been awhile (eek). This is the last post I started (in November) but never got the chance to finish before the insanity of the warp jump into the hectic holiday season hit (and flattened) me. I'm posting it "as is" lest you guys think I was abducted by aliens (well, it would certainly explain the flake factor, wouldn't it? ;o)

- Jen

Isn't it funny how those two things often coexist? What's that saying again? Blessed to be stressed? Ha. Sadly for the flawed human race (present company coming dangerously close to topping that particular dented can list), it is sadly simple to miss the blessings that are often completely eclipsed by the stressings. Maybe it's because those stressful things are all up in your face like Hollywood-sized block letters of flashing neon blinking madly, while the blessings tend to be in two point light gray type (and if you're seeing spots from all that flashing, well...it's easy enough to overlook, wouldn't you say?). I am, however, going to do what I am supposed to do daily but often forget when I'm busy having a crises-induced spaz fest: and that's count 'em. This is a photo of Mariah, by the way. I managed to squish in a quick trip to visit Sandy the weekend before my surgery since I wasn't too sure how that would end (I think I already told you that, didn't I?) My visits to Sandy's house are always a blessing! Anyway, Mariah's expression just seemed to fit my feelings at the time (if you know what I mean. *laugh*)

The biggest blessing at the moment would be the Divine BENIGN from the recent ovarian cancer question, and praise the Lord! Although you'd think I would have been bouncing off the walls over that one, my reaction was more along the lines of dissolving quietly into a large puddle of relief. Funny how life can change your prayers. I didn't even pray to not have cancer, only that I would be able to accept whatever God's will was. In other words I was ready if He asked me to, but I sure "dinwanna" walk down that particular path again (been there, done that, got the battle scars and a stupid T-shirt collection to prove it ;o) I do like the colors teal and pink together, just not in a ribbon. Know what I mean?

In other blessed news, my Body Language Lens on Squidoo was chosen as "Lens of the Day" which is a big whoopie-do in Squidland. *laugh* Unfortunately, everything else had gotten so crazily insane by then I really didn't get to enjoy it much nor did I have time to respond to all the lovely comments that poured in. Nuts. It's okay though; I can keep those warm fuzzies I get whenever I think about it, right? The biggest surprise came in an email offer to buy the lens; didn't see that one coming ;o) I didn't sell it, but I did make a new friend of sorts. Aiden and his pal Liza are building a monster horseback riding site and trying to generate some interest. I added a link to the lens to try and help them get some more traffic, and Aiden sent us a nice donation (for which we are extremely grateful). If you have a minute, please drop by thehorseridingsite and give them a boost. Tell 'em Jen sent ya. *grin*

On a sadder note, I'm afraid we may be coming to the point where we will have a difficult decision to make about Miss Sarabear. Although this looks like raffia ribbon, it is hay [photo right] and I believe it may be what initially caused Sara's heaves to suddenly and so dramatically intensify. We've been buying our hay (in big round bales) from the same farmer for many years, and never, ever had a problem. This was some very bad, very dark hay that was buried at the very center of a bale; just one of those things, I guess. Some stray dog could have peed in that spot in the field right before it was baled or something. Who knows? It wasn't a big section in the roll, but none of the girls would touch it. None, that is except Sara, who had her nose totally buried in it for reasons that completely escape me (it was dry, but stunk to high heaven - made me gag as I hauled it off). I took it away the moment I saw it, but I'm thinking the damage was already done. The initial steroid shot from the vet in conjunction with the SmartBreathe Pellets (SmartPak) seemed to do the trick, and I was feeling hopeful we could keep her from getting any worse. Then Sara had a series of relapses and her breathing difficulties just spiraled completely out of control. In a sense, Sara has been her own worst enemy in this, as she will not eat her feed if I put anything "else" in it; she'll either dump the whole thing over or flatly refuse to touch it. She has gone from being our chunkiest monkey last summer to looking like the wrong end of a rescue horse. For awhile, she would let me sneak a nutritional supplement into her feed; which is generally used to rehabilitate rescued/starving animals (and how depressing is that?) but now she won't even touch her feed if I put it in there. I just don't know what else to do for her. Although we are able to deworm her by sneaking bits of paste into pellets and hand feeding her until she gets the required amount, dosing her with anything else is out of the question; Sara simply won't allow it. She won't touch any kind of medicine no matter what I put it in (or by itself), she just gives me that "Do you think I'm stupid?" look. Her head shyness (from some idiot show trainer in her early days - halter classes) is SO deeply ingrained that even in her current sorry state - and after a second tranquilizer shot - she reared repeatedly when our equine orthodontist made what she considered a "wrong move" as he worked on her teeth.

Although we're feeding her three times a day, Sara's weight has been slow to return without the added weight gain supplement (I don't want her to founder).  Her interest in food is unpredictable, and sometimes she won't even touch her bucket. Unseasonably warm temps and people burning leaves in the area have only compounded the breathing issues (and not a thing I can do about either one). While I wouldn't go so far as to say Sara is suffering horribly, she is definitely uncomfortable and desperately unhappy to be by herself (but it's for her own safety/well being). We moved the girl's hay roll over by the fence line where Sarabear is so she can still feel part of the herd (and that's where she spends most of her time). My biggest concern at the moment - other than her weight - is a lack of shelter, now that her stall is inaccessible. Her last steroid shot was administered on November 24th and, sadly, does not seem to have made any difference. Actually, the last 2 or 3 steroid shots have not helped her breathing at all (it's 30 days between shots), so there doesn't seem to be much point in continuing to administer them. Because the damage heaves causes is irreversible, my fear is that this is as good as it's going to get which forces us to think in terms of quality of life issues. My poor girl. *sigh* Sara should be more comfortable with the colder winter temps, but right now we're just taking things day to day as this has been a very strange winter season. I hate this. Okay, now I'm depressed (and probably made you sad too; sorry).

Thinking, thinking, thinking... Okay, I

Squishyishy on Sunday

Have Ya Had Enough?

Yep. I think so. It's been many a misadventure since my last post, and it's only been what? A week and a half? Yeesh. I'll skip straight to the sad; Sarabear has been diagnosed with full-blown heaves (otherwise known as COPD and/or RAO). My best guess is it must have been dust-induced; even with recent rains we're still in a musty dusty drought. The initial signs were either not there or - more likely - mild enough they just snuck right by us. Sarabear is not ridden or worked at all, which I'm sure made it harder to spot. She also tends to stay in the background of her little herd, so that probably didn't help matters. I'm sure that there were some additional - and bigger - signs more recently, which I probably missed completely being so focused on my parents big move, the end of school, and getting sick twice (got some serious guilt going here, though). She seemed to go from a mild occasional cough to wheezing and all but gasping for air virtually overnight.

When Sara came in 2009, we noticed she had a very slight periodic cough; she was a 14 year old broodmare that we accepted as an equine donation from one of our long time regular donors. We took her largely because I am a softhearted sap we were under the impression that she was coming with her own built-in financial support (and ha, ha that joke was all on me). I'm still struggling to get past resenting the fact that the donations stopped shortly after Sara's arrival, as she is a wonderful addition to the farm. Click here to visit her lens and read all about her high schoolesque arrival. Since the rest of us were sneezing and coughing from allergies at the time she came, I wasn't overly concerned as her mild cough disappeared about the same time our sniffling and sneezing did. 

I did, however, look up coughs in horses the following spring when she started coughing; again here and there (just in case). Although I came across heaves as a potential cause for cough, she did not have any breathing troubles or mucous and the coughs seemed to be pretty mild as well as few and far between. Added to that, my "go to" books and online haunts all pointed to stabling and dusty hay as the cause of heaves and advised keeping the horse on turnout and grass. Since Sara isn't stabled at all (although she has shelter) and pretty much never eats from the hay pile, I mentally crossed it off. Over the past week or two, I've found several online articles about heaves in the South in turned out horses. Hello? Where the heck was all this important stuff when I looked the first time? Well foo on you Mr. Highnmighty Net; NOW you tell me. *scowl*

Sara was given a shot of a corticosteroid that I don't remember the name of, but it's supposed to last for 30 days. I am trying to find some kind of long term treatment we can use that will help in addition to watering down the dusty areas as far as we can reach with the hose. The dust has been awful the past couple of years, as the rainfall has been far below average. If any of my horsey friends know of anything that works well for heaves, please let me know. She still has that slight cough, but won't take anything we've tried thus far. Air Power and Cough Free have been tried, but both have a very strong smell so she won't touch them; nor will she touch her feed if it's in there. Of course the other girls were more than happy to eat it; and isn't that just special? *bangs head on desk* I know they make a prescription cough medicine for horses; but that stuff is hideously expensive and definitely beyond our budget (plus I don't know how I'd even get a dose in her).

If it were ANY of the other horses, I could just grab the dosing syringe and we'd be done already. For those of you unfamiliar, Sara was heavily abused early in life and although she will let me touch her head while grooming, it's a monumental struggle for her to allow that much. She can't handle anything beyond it. I can't get anywhere near her ears, nose or mouth while holding her halter; she'll rear (which is just a bit too much fun for me - ha, ha). This lesson was learned none other than the hard way the first time I cluelessly attempted to deworm; straight up in the air, and wasn't that a lovely surprise? Not really. Whoever her show trainer was - she was a halter gal - sure did a number on her head (in more ways than one). Since then, we've hidden her dewormer in a handful of pellets and never had a problem getting her to take it. 

There are several sites offering herbal remedies that appeal, but of course I have no idea who is trustworthy and legit and who is not; caveat emptor, don'tcha know. I went to SmartPak (who I know is legit) and have narrowed it down to two supplements. One is MSM Pellets (click here for info) and the other is SmartBreathe (click here). I'm leaning heavily toward the SmartBreathe, (naturally it had to be the more expensive of the two) and am hoping that one of you guys has had some experience with this; 'cause I sure could use some help here. Ack! I'll give it a couple of days after I post before I place my order, but then I'll have to just take another chance as I don't want to (and really can't afford to) have to call the vet again if I can help it. So those of you in the know, please share what you've already learned with us via comment. I read through the reviews, and they looked quite promising. My biggest concerns are obviously that it won't help or, more likely, that she won't eat it. I wish we could afford to supplement everyone with SmartPaks but when you multiply by nine, well...I think not. One day, maybe. *sigh* I did send them an email to see if they offered any kind of discount to non-profits (so y'all keep your hooves crossed! ;o)

In other news, I finished this hat for the grandmother of one of the kids at school; her cancer returned and he asked if I would make her one (please pray for her). For those of you who are hooked on crochet (ha) I used a pattern called Bella from Knots of Love, and how funny is that? They offer a myriad of free patterns for cancer patients in PDF format - knitted ones too - in case you'd like to make one yourself. I used a cotton yarn, as summer is almost upon us and it is much cooler than acrylic yarn. The flower wasn't in the pattern, I added that myself, but made it removable in case she didn't like it. She sent me a lovely thank you note, and said she loved it flower and all - I will probably see her wearing it at sixth grade graduation - hope so :o)
Finally! You have reached the happy ending to this post. DH and our favorite construction volunteer, Mr. Ron, have actually managed to have the same day off. *WOOT!* This has been forever in the making, and I know it's only framing but it is something in the way of progress, and I AM SO GLAD! (sorry for shouting - I'm terribly excited ;o) Look, it's an almost feed/tack room:

Have a very blessed week everyone. Happy thoughts and horsey hugs - it's almost summer - Hooray!

...and mudboggin' on Monday. Wow. It is definitely possibly to have too much of a good thing (except for chocolate cake, that is). Where is the sun? Does it still exist? Is it seriously soggy at your house or dry as dust? Or are you one of the lucky few that is somewhere in between perhaps? I pass a little pond every morning on my way to work that I look to as an unofficial water table. At the beginning of the year, that thing was down to a large puddle (and had been that way long enough there was grass growing where there had been water). I've never seen it get that low in 20+ years. Anyway, not only is it slam full, it's on the verge of brimming over. Not sure how much rain that translates to, but I know we've had umpteen inches in the last month or so. I sure do wish such things didn't always seem to wind up feast or famine. *sigh* Like the photo? Kinda puts you in mind of soaring eagles and majestic hawks, doesn't it? Ha. Apparently even vultures look pretty darn good from a distance. Huh. Sounds like some kind of life lesson to me ;o)

I wanted to apologize to my email subscribers for the previous post. *smacks palm on forehead* I totally forgot that the video clips don't show up in the emails and did not include a hyperlink to it for you (how rude). If you missed last week's clip and want to see it, click here to watch it on our Vimeo channel. I'm sorry, and I'll try really hard not to forget next time (have a hug?).

I have a couple of photos to share with you today. Pamplona may have the running of the bulls, but around here we have the running of the hay. The horses are quite familiar with the sound of the tractor and the moment that engine starts, heads pop up out of the grass all over the pasture. Most of the time, I let the girls into the training area [which is normally closed off] to distract them with forbidden forage so we can run a rope across the area that leads up to the hay without interference. Because we have to bring the rolls in through the Moo Crew's pasture, we block off the bottom of the girl's hill leading to where we set the roll so no one winds up in the wrong field. For some reason, this never fails to create an atmosphere of giddy anticipation among the girls.
While this next photo is hardly brilliant, it cracked me up because it looks like Lady (L) is giving DD the evil eye for closing off the upper pasture before she can sneak up there (which she actually managed to do last time - the heifer):

Now that I have a modicum of understanding with regard to camera settings (aperture, to be more specific) I finally managed to get a couple of halfway decent shots of the girls charging up the hill toward the hay. I think I should have uploaded at a higher resolution, though:

The pasture is, of course, a disgusting muddy mess...

Not so fast Rina... Woo!

Lady and Sarabear bringing up the rear...

Other than the icky mud, I thought this was a nice photo of Sara:

And finally: (though completely irrelevant to the theme I had going) a pretty sunrise over the tree tops on a misty morning just for you (I forgot I was going to post it last month :o)

As always, thanks for reading this far and have a wonderful week everybody!