An Unfortunate Series of Events...

No, no, no, not YOURS yers (MINE yers). *sigh* After much internal debate (read wrestling), discussions with our vets (first one then the other one), debates with DH and a couple of our horse loving friends - not to mention a boatload of research - we have come to the inevitable (and crushing) conclusion: Sara's not going to get any better. Ever. For those of you new to the blog, our Sarabear was diagnosed with Heaves/COPD last year and in spite of everything, has gone from bad to worse to awful. So awful, in fact, that I keep expecting to see someone from the Sheriff's office appear on our doorstep to investigate a starving animal report (although the rest of the horses are pretty much on the tubby side of life). In a way, Sara's troubles seem an awful lot like my own health hiccups; the disease and its symptoms just didn't follow those "classic signs". Added to that were things like heavy smoke from people burning somewhere nearby, crazy winter weather (80 degrees in January? Seriously?) and a stubborn girl who just won't let us help. PHOTO:This is one of my favorite pictures of Sara taken last year. We had just put out a new roll of hay, and the rest of the girls had already gone thundering by. Sarabear has never been one to hurry, although she does look awfully cute prancing her way up the hill.

Heaves symptoms generally appear around age 8, although I have no idea if she exhibited any signs at that time. She came here at age 14, and had a very slight cough, but only once in a great while. Since this area does quite a number on the sinuses (I never had allergy issues until I moved here), and her cough followed the same pattern we didn't really think much of it as it never got worse. I had little knowledge of heaves, because it was generally an issue that effected stabled horses (ours are on 24/7 turnout with shelter available). Besides, surely her owner would have told us if she had a serious condition, right? Betting that one got a laugh or ten out of one of you out there. (insert eye roll here). Ignorance may be bliss, but it sure can cost you a pretty penny. Not to mention drag you heart first through the emotional wringer. Sara is eating more feed per day than all eight other horses combined; and she is still skin and bones. She will not eat more than what we're giving her now, although I've also been giving her treats in between feeding. PHOTO: This was also just last year. Funny how her coat looks so different; it was taken very early in the morning (her little white markings were a funky blue until I corrected the color cast).

The sad thing is, I can't even sit here and say it's been a long road because it really hasn't been long at all. Tough? Oh, most definitely so. Frustrating. Disappointing. Maddening. Infuriating even. And very, very, depressing. The past several months have been a roller coaster ride of high expectations, dead ends and false hope that something (anything) would change. Smack in the middle of it all was Sarabear who, if I am going to be honest, is her own worst enemy. She refuses to eat any of the medicines or herbal supplements no matter how I try to disguise them/hide them (although she has always been okay with eating worm paste in increments hidden in small handfuls of sweet feed). Anything else though? Nope, not having it; she just knocks it right out of my hand and walks off. Certainly she won't let me put anything in her mouth that comes in a tube or syringe. Nosiree Bob; that's not happenin' either, she'll rear straight up. Funny thing is, she's the only one we have that I can't schmooze into eating or even forcibly dose if I have to (not to mention the only one that rears up). How's that for irony? PHOTO: Sara catching a few zzz's by the stalls (I woke her up trying to get a shot of her snoozing; had to settle for a sleepy expression instead ;o)

The short version is this: Sara's appetite is extremely unpredictable, and as a result she is pretty much skin and bones. Sometimes she'll gobble her feed right up, sometimes she'll take a bite and won't eat any more and sometimes she'll dump it all out. Just yesterday she opted to flip her bucket over and waste all the feed instead of eating it (again). If I put the bucket "up" (which is better for her breathing than on the ground), she won't touch it at all. She is furious with me for separating her from her pasture pals, and has now taken to chewing up all of the wood in protest. Up until about 3 weeks ago, we thought she would make another rally. Appetite had stayed fairly consistent and she was starting to put on a little weight. It was probably when I started feeling a little too hopeful that she reversed direction and has been going downhill since. Because horses under stress (and heaves definitely qualifies as stress) can lose up to 50 pounds in one night, you can imagine what she looks like now. Wit's end here. I opted not to post a photo of her current condition for the simple reason that I am afraid someone will misinterpret it. I'm sure many of you will find this quite shocking, *tucks tongue in cheek*, but there are an alarming number of people out there that would take something like that and run with it; without bothering to get the whole story. Even though I can back up everything I've posted about Sara, I just don't want to go through all that. It's hard enough as it is, you know?

Another epic fail (almost) was the Etsy shop, which was supposed to have been closed for a "brief" period while I re-shot photos for my listings. Let me just throw in a ha-ha-HA. *cough* Umm...hmmm. It's been more months that I wish to count since I've even given it a passing thought (and that was a couple of months after I stuck it on vacation mode).  Yikes. It was only after I got a friendly reminder from the Etsy for Animals team about the membership rules (resulting in a holy cow *slap to the forehead* jumpstart) that I realized just how long it had been. Ruh-Roh. Bad Jen. Very bad Jen. *wince* After some frantic scrambling - and a few repentable words - I am happy to say that the shop is now back open. Of course I've only manage to retake about five photos, but I must say I really like the way they turned out. That was probably tacky of me to say out loud, wasn't it? Sorry. Anyhoo, it's another nod to irony the way that went, too, as the proceeds from the shop would have definitely come in handy towards Sara's expenses. *sigh* Oh well, going for better late than never yet again, eh?
So there you have it (or most of it, anyway - I actually skipped some of the Sarabear stuff as I was beginning to feel a tad maudlin). Meh ;o/ Since I hate to end on an icky note, how about something to give you a giggle? (although for me, it was more like a much needed gut-busting laugh). As most of you know, DD is deaf and there is a lot of misinformation out there when it comes to lipreading as a form of communication. Believe it or not, only 30% of the words we use are clearly visible on the lips; the rest is guesswork (and if you don't believe me, stand in front of the mirror and watch your lips as you say "bay, pay, may" ;o) This came through one of my interpreting lists the other day, and I thought I'd share it with you. It's from badlipreading.com and just boggles the mind how well the wrong words fit:
Have a blessed week everyone, and hug those furballs!

From Rough and Tough to...

...Can most definitely dement!

And how best to start this post? Aside from reminding you to grab a doughnut, that is. *grin* Probably with a couple of ginormous apologies all the way around. First and foremost, to my friends and followers in the blogosphere (which are largely one in the same) who have been ever so patiently waiting for me to clue them in. Unless, of course, you all grew disgusted at my extended absence and left vowing never to return (not that I'd blame you). If our screens were reversed, my first thought would be somewhere along the lines of:

"Joo gots some 'splainin' to do Lucy."

The second sorry? Welllll, that should go to Epic Farms itself, as I didn't think to turn our crises (plural) into a capitalistic Facebook fundraiser and generate a gazillion dollars in donations for the non-profit. My bad. My brain just doesn't seem to work that way. Ever. *sigh* I'd say maybe next time, but I'm pretty sure it won't happen then either. I don't know about you, but when disaster strikes the last thing I think about is jumping online and hitting up other people for money (too doggone busy trying to solve the problem, don'tcha know ;o)

Okay, soooo... What in the heck happened? Well, it started with Sara having a relapse of her COPD (a.k.a Heaves) last month. We had to get another steroid shot from the vet. I may have mentioned this before, but horses in "distress" (and breathing difficulties can definitely be quite stressful) tend to drop weight very quickly - up to 50lbs overnight. Added to that, Sara will only pick at her feed when she's having trouble breathing which makes her weight drop even faster. Since it can be several days to a week before the shot takes full effect, you can imagine how much of her weight dissipated in the interim. Because she wasn't that large to begin with, by the end of the week she was looking pretty sorry. I began to stress when another week went by and she was still having trouble breathing and barely touching her feed. She would eat some if I stood there and hand-fed her, so I did (which gave me some added stress of my own, as I was then running late for work every morning in addition to worrying about Sara the scarecrow). Unfortunately, the shots can only be administered every 30 days so if this one didn't work we just had to wait it out. Translation: PRAY.

Trying to stimulate her appetite as the days dragged by, I bought some Calf Manna which she seemed to like (pricey, but what are you gonna do, right? I had to get her to eat something). Then I found some easy to chew complete senior feed that also cost a small fortune (joy) and added that to her diet. Thankfully she would eat it, although not nearly as much as I wanted (which meant her weight loss had slowed, but not stopped). I also made an appointment with our dentist in case she was having teeth issues on top of the COPD (yet more money - eek). Although it was time for a floating (which he did) her teeth were pretty much okay. After 30 days had passed, it was back to the vet for a second shot. A little over a week later, Sara's breathing had improved enough to perk up her appetite (and thank the Lord!) I was SO relieved to have finally turned that corner; lemme tell ya. I found a supplement at Jeffers called Focus weight gain to try and help our scrawny little Sarabear put some weight back on safely and SOON.

Somewhere in the middle of all that was our church yard sale which, having run myself ragged over Sara, I no longer felt like doing. Of course by that point I was also pretty doggone desperate for dinero ($), which meant I had to do it. Ugh. I do not do too well when I run out of steam, and actually managed to hit myself with my own car (and yes, you read that correctly). What can I say? It's a gift. *rolls eyes* The short[ish] version is, on the Friday night before the sale DD and I went in separate vehicles to help a friend move her things to the sale location. My car window does not work properly, so I opened my car door when we got to the road in front of my friend's house. I was signing to DD who was right behind me to go ahead and turn into the driveway on the left. Although she was signing back from the truck, she forgot about the headlights and the fact that Mom can't SEE when they are shining in her eyeballs (*snarl*). Exhausted and annoyed, I slapped the car in park and jumped out to march over there and tell her. Note to self: Make absolutely sure that the car is all the way in park BEFORE you get out. See Jen's car roll backwards. Now see Jen do her impersonation of a Hollywood stunt woman by sprinting back and diving into the driver's seat to stop the car (though not before it crunched into DD's truck - of course all I could think of was that I could not afford to pay for one more thing). Throw in a nice solid body slam by her open door somewhere in mid leap. Oh yeah; that's perfect. Got myself a nice big, beautiful urplepurple hematoma as a souvenir for that little bit of self-inflicted stupidity and wound up making a whopping $20 from the sale. Mmmmph.

It was right about here that things went from bad to worse. It seems someone in the vicinity decided to burn goodness knows what - pine needles probably - which brought a thick noxious smoke rolling straight across the pasture. Not much you can do to prevent such things in the country (it's not illegal to burn, and it's not like I can stuff her in the house to get her away from it - although the thought did cross my mind). Of course this set off Sara's COPD all over and made me just want to sit down and cry. She went off her feed again, and wouldn't even eat from my hand. In desperation, I separated her from her pasture pals (which I really didn't want to do) and put her in a smaller area by herself. About the time I was thinking we might actually have to consider having her put down, our prayers were answered in the form of a big temperature drop, which helped partially stabilize her breathing while we waited out the 30 days to the next shot. She finally started eating again, but our poor girl is so thin she looks like the wrong end of a horse rescue. She will not touch her feed if I put anything else in it (like the weight gain supplement or horse manna, even in small increments), nor will she eat her breathing medicine or the complete feed. We're feeding her our regular feed and some alfalfa cubes broken up into small pieces (in a wide shallow tub to avoid dust issues) three times a day. Unfortunately, it goes on a LOT more slowly than it comes off (and don't you wish we could do it that way? *grin*)

Okay here's where I start summing up, because I don't think you have enough time (or coffee and doughnuts) for the rest of it. Somewhere in the middle of that, was this: I was at work and had a terrible - and I mean BIG and BAD - pain in my right side. Thinking another doggone kidney stone, (and do we have to do this now, because I do NOT need another bill to pay), I listed to the left in my chair and sucked it up for a few hours before I admitted defeat and called the doctor. He gave me a painkiller shot (that did nothing) and sent me for a CT scan. Turns out I had an ovarian cyst that ruptured and was bleeding into my abdomen (and are you kidding me?)  This meant another doctor (Gyn this time), who said we'd watch it for one month because post menopause + cancer history + cyst = potential UhOh. Dandy. Fast forward the 30 days: cyst was still there, but now complex and part of it is a solid mass. This needed to be removed and biopsied immediately. Surgery? Oh goody. *head thuds on desk* Anyhoo, the surgery was last Monday, and I'll be returning to work today. Of course with all my medical misadventures, my dad was obligated to make a crack about the irony of me having surgery on "Veteran's" day (ha, ha there Pop ;o) Biopsy results are pending (and thankfully, the doctor told DH it didn't look to be cancerous).

Somewhere in the middle of THAT (you'd think I was making this up for a Hollyweird soap opera, wouldn't you?) a neighbor showed up waving a land survey to inform us that our fence was umpteen feet off the line onto his property and we were encroaching on his land. He was polite, but started talking about drawing up contracts and paying him rent in lieu of moving the fence. Hold on there, buddy. Give us some time to look into it, okay? Naturally, the area in question runs directly through the training area and the boy's stalls. Ah yes, where else could it be? We are fairly sure that we are not encroaching, but I don't want to say anything more until this has been completely sorted out.
I think that brings you all pretty much up to speed, and maybe it will help you see why I couldn't quite get here. I don't think there's any more but then again, the day's still young right?  Have a blessed week everyone - I've missed you!

Have Ya Had Enough?

Yep. I think so. It's been many a misadventure since my last post, and it's only been what? A week and a half? Yeesh. I'll skip straight to the sad; Sarabear has been diagnosed with full-blown heaves (otherwise known as COPD and/or RAO). My best guess is it must have been dust-induced; even with recent rains we're still in a musty dusty drought. The initial signs were either not there or - more likely - mild enough they just snuck right by us. Sarabear is not ridden or worked at all, which I'm sure made it harder to spot. She also tends to stay in the background of her little herd, so that probably didn't help matters. I'm sure that there were some additional - and bigger - signs more recently, which I probably missed completely being so focused on my parents big move, the end of school, and getting sick twice (got some serious guilt going here, though). She seemed to go from a mild occasional cough to wheezing and all but gasping for air virtually overnight.

When Sara came in 2009, we noticed she had a very slight periodic cough; she was a 14 year old broodmare that we accepted as an equine donation from one of our long time regular donors. We took her largely because I am a softhearted sap we were under the impression that she was coming with her own built-in financial support (and ha, ha that joke was all on me). I'm still struggling to get past resenting the fact that the donations stopped shortly after Sara's arrival, as she is a wonderful addition to the farm. Click here to visit her lens and read all about her high schoolesque arrival. Since the rest of us were sneezing and coughing from allergies at the time she came, I wasn't overly concerned as her mild cough disappeared about the same time our sniffling and sneezing did. 

I did, however, look up coughs in horses the following spring when she started coughing; again here and there (just in case). Although I came across heaves as a potential cause for cough, she did not have any breathing troubles or mucous and the coughs seemed to be pretty mild as well as few and far between. Added to that, my "go to" books and online haunts all pointed to stabling and dusty hay as the cause of heaves and advised keeping the horse on turnout and grass. Since Sara isn't stabled at all (although she has shelter) and pretty much never eats from the hay pile, I mentally crossed it off. Over the past week or two, I've found several online articles about heaves in the South in turned out horses. Hello? Where the heck was all this important stuff when I looked the first time? Well foo on you Mr. Highnmighty Net; NOW you tell me. *scowl*

Sara was given a shot of a corticosteroid that I don't remember the name of, but it's supposed to last for 30 days. I am trying to find some kind of long term treatment we can use that will help in addition to watering down the dusty areas as far as we can reach with the hose. The dust has been awful the past couple of years, as the rainfall has been far below average. If any of my horsey friends know of anything that works well for heaves, please let me know. She still has that slight cough, but won't take anything we've tried thus far. Air Power and Cough Free have been tried, but both have a very strong smell so she won't touch them; nor will she touch her feed if it's in there. Of course the other girls were more than happy to eat it; and isn't that just special? *bangs head on desk* I know they make a prescription cough medicine for horses; but that stuff is hideously expensive and definitely beyond our budget (plus I don't know how I'd even get a dose in her).

If it were ANY of the other horses, I could just grab the dosing syringe and we'd be done already. For those of you unfamiliar, Sara was heavily abused early in life and although she will let me touch her head while grooming, it's a monumental struggle for her to allow that much. She can't handle anything beyond it. I can't get anywhere near her ears, nose or mouth while holding her halter; she'll rear (which is just a bit too much fun for me - ha, ha). This lesson was learned none other than the hard way the first time I cluelessly attempted to deworm; straight up in the air, and wasn't that a lovely surprise? Not really. Whoever her show trainer was - she was a halter gal - sure did a number on her head (in more ways than one). Since then, we've hidden her dewormer in a handful of pellets and never had a problem getting her to take it. 

There are several sites offering herbal remedies that appeal, but of course I have no idea who is trustworthy and legit and who is not; caveat emptor, don'tcha know. I went to SmartPak (who I know is legit) and have narrowed it down to two supplements. One is MSM Pellets (click here for info) and the other is SmartBreathe (click here). I'm leaning heavily toward the SmartBreathe, (naturally it had to be the more expensive of the two) and am hoping that one of you guys has had some experience with this; 'cause I sure could use some help here. Ack! I'll give it a couple of days after I post before I place my order, but then I'll have to just take another chance as I don't want to (and really can't afford to) have to call the vet again if I can help it. So those of you in the know, please share what you've already learned with us via comment. I read through the reviews, and they looked quite promising. My biggest concerns are obviously that it won't help or, more likely, that she won't eat it. I wish we could afford to supplement everyone with SmartPaks but when you multiply by nine, well...I think not. One day, maybe. *sigh* I did send them an email to see if they offered any kind of discount to non-profits (so y'all keep your hooves crossed! ;o)

In other news, I finished this hat for the grandmother of one of the kids at school; her cancer returned and he asked if I would make her one (please pray for her). For those of you who are hooked on crochet (ha) I used a pattern called Bella from Knots of Love, and how funny is that? They offer a myriad of free patterns for cancer patients in PDF format - knitted ones too - in case you'd like to make one yourself. I used a cotton yarn, as summer is almost upon us and it is much cooler than acrylic yarn. The flower wasn't in the pattern, I added that myself, but made it removable in case she didn't like it. She sent me a lovely thank you note, and said she loved it flower and all - I will probably see her wearing it at sixth grade graduation - hope so :o)
Finally! You have reached the happy ending to this post. DH and our favorite construction volunteer, Mr. Ron, have actually managed to have the same day off. *WOOT!* This has been forever in the making, and I know it's only framing but it is something in the way of progress, and I AM SO GLAD! (sorry for shouting - I'm terribly excited ;o) Look, it's an almost feed/tack room:

Have a very blessed week everyone. Happy thoughts and horsey hugs - it's almost summer - Hooray!