Note to Self: When in Doubt, Go WITHOUT...

Sooo I didn't exactly make it to an actual post this week either, BUT I do have something to share (at least you know I thought about you this week, right? ;o) School hit the ground running full tilt this year; we're all still trying to catch our breath. Okay, maybe it's more like we're hyperventilating... I got the brilliant (?) idea to share the rest of my zoo trip photos via slideshow. Ha. Why does this stuff always turn into a federal production? I've used up all my freebies through Cincopa, and now I find that Google has killed off the best feature of Picasa: The embeddable slideshow. So if, bright and early this morning, you happened to hear someone bellowing ugly sentiments at their computer in the distance... well... it was probably me. Sometimes I really hate technology. *sigh* So, we learned (I hope, I hope!) how to use the slideshow feature in Photoshop Elements. Probably. Maybe. Hopefully. Here goes nothing:

Aaaand nothing was what we got. So, we tried again:

Nope, didn't quite make it that time either. Okay, let's try this:

Clearly the third time was NOT the charm. What about this:

That would be a NO. Four? Anybody? Anybody at all. Do I hear four?

After several hours of unbelievable aggravation, the ditching Photoshop altogether (I couldn't get the file size low enough to appease Blogger), saying 3,482 bad words, wasting an additional 45 minutes on Smilebox only to throw my arms up in disgust, this is what I came up with:

Click here to view the Album on Google

*snarl*

Signed,

MUD

Again-Again? Really, Jen?

...saying anything that might could would morph into a massive unloading [read: demented rant] from which your fingers may never recover. Not to mention the things you would just have to turn around and repent anyway. Right Jennifer? You betcha. So. In lieu of posting a twenty page diatribe explaining the circumstances I alluded to in my last post (found here, for those of you looking sideways at the screen and scratching your head in confusion) I'm going for the "less is more" version. I will, however, offer you a bulleted summary to accompany the picture to the left. Said picture being worth FAR more than a measly 1,000 words because it is an incredibly accurate depiction of my mental state during the time in question (albeit a disturbing one). Well, maybe not the male gender/mustache part. And yes, I entertained myself with the bullets in my little summary (what did you expect? ;o)

To quote Sergeant Friday (on a Friday no less), "Just the facts, Ma'am."

☁ My father got sick, then became ill (as in tempered). Then he got really ill (as in go to the hospital). What started as a plain old "vomit virus", turned into something far more serious over the course of a couple weeks.

☂ Ultimately, Dad required the better part of a week in the hospital which, in turn, required me to spend the better part of the week sleeping at my parent's house with Mom (Alzheimer's patients do not do well with any change in environment). This was, of course, in addition to working full time, caring for the horses, and spending time at the hospital. 

☔ Turned out my Dad had a pinched intestine (and did we even know that was a thing? Nope), which was ultimately - and thankfully - resolved without surgery.

It probably goes without saying that I ran around like a crazy woman throughout all of this at warp speed from home to work to hospital to home to Mom's and then back home again in the wee hours the next day.

UGH.

I also learned quite a bit about myself and (hopefully), I stretched and grew a little more spiritually and grace-fully. Ummm...How about this: I definitely grew, but it wasn't very pretty. Here's the rest (as politely as I'm able to phrase it):

☹ I love my parents. I really do, but they are not always easy (or pleasant) to be around. My dad, who is never sick, has to be the worst patient I think I have ever encountered (I'll take sick whiny kids any day). 

♰ It is a darn good thing that God's grace is sufficient, because I had nowhere NEAR enough of it for either one of my parents: both of whom managed to surprise (shock?) me with some truly obnoxious and downright hateful behavior.

⛅ Silver Lining? (sort of): It is absolutely possible, when you toss in enough stress-filled frantic, to drop five pounds in a single week without even trying (yes, I really did).

💡 I did a tremendous amount of introspection in the weeks that followed, and ultimately realized that I had a veritable boatload of unresolved emotions and resentments when it came to my parents that stemmed from years of internalizing. A BIG boat. Okay, maybe more like an armada. Since it is not my intention to engage in a round of "bash the parents" (a.k.a. the temptation from which I was - barely - delivered), I'll just say that there are people on this earth who can - and do - take condescension, [what I call] "destructive" criticism and personal dissatisfaction to a whole new level. I suppose one could also say that teenagers are not the only ones with the mindset that precious little outside of their own wants and needs should be considered. Yep, one could say that all right... *Ahem*. 
'Nuff said.

✋ I learned that setting healthy boundaries can be a wonderful and truly amazing thing. Just be sure to seek counseling from a trusted source first, and be as kind as as you can (in my case it was our pastor and a very close friend). I also had to give myself a couple added weeks of "calm down" time before drawing that line in the sand to keep things from turning ugly on my part. (I never said I was perfect ;o)
The end result?
I guess some people are just going to be the toast crumbs in your butter no matter what you do. Sort of a weird analogy, I guess, (but I'm hungry ;o)

So there you have it: my little tale of whoa (was me). As to the past couple of weeks? Busy, busy, busy. My bender is back; in spades! Hopefully, I'll have some pictures for you next time to show you what I've been up to. All I can say is Pinterest is a double-edged sword (handy, but dangerous). Have a blessed week, and stay sane. At least try. *laugh*

IDGIs and Issues

Clearly, my plans are nothing if not flawed (to the nth degree, I might add ;oP My grand (-ish?) plans for the first one or two or three November and/or December posts didn't quite go as I imagined them. Actually, as you probably noticed, they didn't go anywhere at all (outside of my own head, that is). *Insert self-deprecating eyeroll here* Mmmmph. Profound apologies; though I'll hereby solemnly promise not to promise that it won't ever happen again ('cause it probably will). Ha.

In any event, I will - I hope I hope - pick up where I left off in my posting next week. In the meantime, this video clip sums my current reality up quite well (not to mention in a far more adorable manner than I could pull off on my own ;o)



Yep, that about sums it up all right. Email friends can click here to watch.

Hugs to all, and to all a good night!

How Come I Do Me Like I Do-Do-Do?

Sometimes I have thoughts; lots and lots of thoughts. I have been told (are you listening Karen? ;o) that I have far too many of them for one person. Most of the time they are bouncing around my brain in a jumbled mess, though I have been known to form a coherent one periodically. I can't help but laugh when I see all of those "Ideas for Blog Posts" pins on Pinterest. I have enough post ideas running around in my head for 47 different people. What I DON'T have, is the time to sit down and bang them all out. Rampant running ideas aside, many other thoughts are questions. Lots and lots of questions. Some days (like today) I wonder if other people wonder the same things I do; particularly those niggling little things that you never can quite puzzle out. Since I am a total acronym junkie (which is often a self-entertaining pastime), it seemed only fair that I should come up with a suitable acronym in order to share them with you. IDGI = "I Don't Get It". Maybe I'm not alone in some of the things I just don't understand. Then again, it could be just me...
Photo Inset: One of the Mums I planted in the whiskey barrel planter in the visitor area (I was experimenting with erasing backgrounds and in a hurry to finish this post. I freely admit it has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the subject in this paragraph, and I almost don't care (provided I don't think about it too hard, that is ;o)

A few of my IDGIs (not too many - I don't want to scare you ;o)

- Why is it socially acceptable for a 30-something (adult?!?) to wear their Batman jammies to the grocery store?*

- Why do we need attorneys to slap legalese all over everything? My personal favorite is, "Void where prohibited." Translation: It's no good where it's not allowed. Wow. Really?

- How do people on food stamps get to buy steak and lobster at the grocery store? I have a full-time job, and (with rare celebrational exception) I don't get to eat that stuff.

- Why do manufacturers put sweepstakes and/or prize labels on their packaging that say things like, "No purchase necessary, details inside"? Now I'm not the brightest bulb on the porch, but I'm pretty darn sure somebody's gonna make me buy it if I rip it open to check out those details.

- If I am inconsistent all the time, am I not therefore by definition consistent?

- How can it still be Black Friday now that it starts on Thursdays?

AND - as long as we're on the seasonal subject - when did Christmas start arriving before Halloween?

* Upon further consideration: Why does a 30-something guy even own a pair of Batman pajamas?

Do you have things like that running through your head? Or are you slowly backing away from your screen and reaching for a phone because you think I need professional help? (I probably do ;o)

Adventures in Alzheimer's and Conversations with Mom

Welllll... it looks like we can chalk another one up in the "What in the world were you thinking Jennifer?" column: otherwise entitled, "Self-Inflicted Stupidity in Spades" (which, as an acronym could be construed as "Si-Si's" - yes-yes's in Spanish - and accurately represents the sum total of an ongoing personal predicament). Okay, that was entirely too much digression [even for me]. Nice rabbit hole there, Jen. *UGH* I managed (yet again) to bite off WAY more than I could possibly chew. Do you do that? I do. On a regular idiot-friendly basis, I might add. I have a really, really rough time with the "N" word. As in NO. I have, quite literally, sat in meetings and bit my lip hard enough to hurt to keep myself from volunteering for something when I knew good and well it would be far too much and I'd wind up completely overwhelmed and stressed out. Unfortunately, an "Oh, I can do that" frequently pops out in spite of my best efforts to hold it in. Why? Not a clue. Boneheaded? Maybe. Glutton for punishment? Definitely. Most of the time, though, it happens simply because I want to help. The fact that I know that you can't possibly help everyone all of the time does not seem to stop me from trying. Sometimes, however, it's just a big fat brain blip (you know, the kind that comes with the triple threat of repercussions: STRESS, MORE STRESS and TOTAL MELTDOWN). A few weeks ago, my art teacher asked me if I wanted to go in with her on a booth for the local Art/Craft Show the following weekend. Obviously, I was in idiot mode at the time, because I responded with an enthusiastic "Oh, I'd love to!". Two days later, I found myself lamenting this decision, but was still delusional enough to think I could pull it off without too much trouble. Well ha. Ha, HA, HA. Delusional indeed.

By the following week, I was ready to pull my hair out (and I might have, too, except that it is finally starting to thicken again - plus, once the hair has left my head it kinda freaks me out to clean it up, because Ick.) "Why? Why do you DO this to yourself?!?" was my perpetual mantra. What is WRONG with you? Are you mental? Clearly, the answer was [is] a resounding Yes. I did indeed make it to the art show (in frazzled stressed-out-mess mode, but I got there!) and I have to say that it was SO not worth it. *rolling eyes* We're talking total bust. I have no idea where they advertised, but it was like a ghost town; the only thing missing were the tumbleweeds (not to worry though, I found one just for you). I can't even say I enjoyed myself, since I spent the better part of a day sitting there thinking of all the things I could have gotten done had I just stayed HOME. The only positive thing I can think to say is that I did sell two candles to my art teacher (she said they were Christmas presents for a couple of someones) so at least my portion of the booth rental was covered. I'm good with that, I guess. I mean it'd be even worse had I wound up paying to get so completely stressed-out, right? My art teacher did make me promise that I would slap her [really hard] should she ever ask me to do such a thing again in the future  (so maybe it wasn't just me then, eh? ;o)

On the upside, my friend Lori has gallantly volunteered to run interference for me in the future as my official Nay-Sayer. (I am to direct any and all requests for my assistance through her). Why, you might ask? Because I completely blew my shining moment, that's why. After a lengthy discussion (otherwise entitled, "See Jen Vent") with Lori and another friend Cathy after church - both of whom agreed that I had a big problem telling people "No" - they gave me a marvelously encouraging pep talk and pointed out that I was already overloaded by default (true). Then they had me practice saying, "I'm sorry, but I just can't." I don't know why it's such an issue for me, but it's HUGE. The biggest thing that bothers me about it? I wind up saying "No" to the people I don't want to say no to (like friends and family), or I miss my weekly blog post because I've already said yes ten too many times. So why on earth do I keep doing it? I sure wish I knew, because I absolutely infuriate myself sometimes. ARRGH! The topic turned to other things and it was quite awhile later that Lori said, "Oh, I meant to ask you; do you think you could fix a meal for the W--- family next week?" Taking a deep breath and thinking about the coming week's chaotic schedule, I closed my eyes and said.... "When?" Of course both of them yelled "NO! NO! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY NO!!" at me simultaneously. Apparently that was a test, which I failed. Dismally. *facepalm*
What's the definition of insanity again? Oh yes: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Oh dear.

And... for those of you who like doodle and draw, I started a [sketchbook] joy journal the other week. Faith based, and full of whatever it is that I feel like adding to it. Initially I just wanted to practice lettering, largely because it's an übercool skill to have. I figured I may as well find a fun way to do it, hence the journal. Since it's now October and we're all "in the pink" (so to speak), I thought I'd share this page with you. It's not finished - obviously - nor is it a masterpiece, but the journal has been kind of a (hit and miss) therapeutic thing for me in the evenings.
I sure do enjoy doing it ;o)
[Pitiful photo, compliments of the crummy camera on my cell phone. Meh. :oP

Speaking of artistic endeavors, somebody special (actually two somebodies, since the taller one included a note ;o) sent me a happy-happy-happy moment. Isn't it awesome? Look:

Soooo putting them BOTH in my joy box. Thanks so much for reading this far, and have a blessed week!

Shot on Location and the Canine Invasion

I can't remember if I told you this (I'm pretty sure I didn't), but earlier this year I went to an art show and reception with my mom. Our art teacher had talked us both into entering something, which was a first for me. My dad had a meeting that afternoon, so he couldn't go with us (though he did go with mom later in the week to see our work "on display"). As someone who is completely non-competitive (can a person be anti-competitive??) I wasn't very excited at the prospect, but I did it for our teacher. And oh my, but Jen does a marvelous impersonation of a basket case. Oy. I'd never been to a juried art show before, so I had no idea what to expect. I had visions of people standing around criticizing my painting (it was only my second), laughing at it hysterically and wondering aloud who let the third grader in, or maybe I'd just trip over my own two feet at the reception and go sprawling; another of my call me grace moments (remember this post?). And silly me. Seems I needn't have worried about any of that. I was so doggone busy chasing mom around in circles that I didn't have time to even think about anything else. During the brief time we were there, mom managed to:

1. Dump an entire stack of cups in the punch bowl, then stick her hand in the punch to fish them back out;

2. Spill the cup of punch she finally managed to pour herself down the back of our art teacher's skirt when she gave her a hug;

- And (my personal favorite) -

3. Spend ten minutes digging around in a purse - pulling everything out repeatedly - before announcing in stunned surprise, "Heyyyy... This is not my purse!"

*Facepalm*

Thankfully, said purse belonged to a woman in the art class after ours, so at least it was someone we sort of knew. Even more of a relief? She had a really good sense of humor. I am telling you, by the end of that (mercifully short) reception I was wiped out. Alzheimer's, like so many of the trials we face in this life, often boils down to a laugh or cry scenario (and it's definitely a prayerful one!) In hindsight it's pretty funny, although now that I am facing a second show and reception next week I find myself reevaluating my sense of humor. On second thought...

Anybody want to go with me? 'Cause methinks I'm just a leetle bit scared ;o)
[Photo Inset: The watercolor painting I entered, "Ecclesiastes 3: Summer (Rose of Sharon).]

The conversations I have with my mother throughout the week (normal ones aside) range from tedious to hilarious. It is not always easy to speak in the same calm voice when answering a question for the 33rd time during a single conversation, but I sure do try (though sometimes I take so many deep breaths, I probably sound like an obscene phone call ;o) People with Alzheimer's are easily agitated, and sometimes this agitation can blossom into a major meltdown if you're not able to defuse it. It is incredibly helpful to have a bent sense of humor in such situations, so you can entertain yourself and calm the storm at the same time. I am, of course, a huge fan of multitasking (particularly when it works ;o)

I had the following entertaining conversation with mom the other day on the way home from art class:

Mom: [suddenly agitated] "Jennifer, I don't know where I am."

Me: [calmly] "Of course you do."

Mom: [panicking] "NO! NO! I don't! I don't know! I don't know! I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE I AM!!"

Me: [still calm] "You're in my car, Mom."

Mom: [annoyed] "Well I know THAT."

Me: [raising a brow] "See? I told you you know where you are silly."

Happily, mom found that observation hysterically funny, and for the rest of the ride she was just fine. Dodged a bullet there, eh? Whew!
[Photo Inset: Not terribly relevant, though it did put me in mind of the song "Bad Moon Rising" which is sort of apt when it comes to the volatility of an Alzheimer's patient. Ha. Taken with my "old" camera. The one I have now doesn't seem to be able to get the job done; I think I need some kind of filter - but quite frankly, I haven't a clue ;o)]

Guess that's all for this week - I'm off to try to shovel out the rest of our guest bedroom (the holidays will be here before we know it - ACK!) Thanks for reading this far, and have a blessed week everyone!

Life Lesson: The Cranky Crossing Guard

If Forrest Gump had been into photography he might have said something along the lines of, "Pictures are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get." As a photo hobbyist I've been thankful for any number of pictorial blessings (a.k.a. "happy accidents") over the past several years; many of which I've shared with you. I had a great system: God painted the picture and I pushed the button (actually I'm still using that particular system because, well, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" right?) Not long ago, I started practicing photography by faith. What I mean by that is, instead of heading out with my camera intending to take pictures of something specific, I just ask the Lord to grant me what He will in the way of opportunities (and then I ask Him to PleasePleasePlease help me not mess it up ;o) I've missed any number of "great" shots over the years, but I have slowly developed (see what I did there? *snicker*) a more accepting attitude by focusing instead (Oh! Oh! Who's on a ROLL now? Bwahahaha.... *cough* AHEM sorry) on being thankful for the shots I do get.

A week or so ago, my picture happy gal pal Sarah and I went on our biggest [photo] bender yet. All I can say is my new-and-improved attitude of gratitude must have been the right one, because BOY did He bless me! Did I get every shot? Nope, not at all. Did I care? Nope, not at all. I had a terrific day with a wonderful friend and came away feeling totally blessed all the way around. For those of you who think I may have slipped a cog, I can only tell you that is definitely not a recent happenstance (HehHeh). Although I really can't attest to what the norm would be as far as variety goes, I can tell you that I was absolutely delighted by the myriad of photo opportunities I had in a single day. Maybe I'll just let those blessings speak for themselves (obligatory disclaimer: please remember that I am not a professional, yadda yadda, and that I am using a regular point and shoot camera; though it is a nice one ;o)

To see the image title, move your mouse over the picture. Click on the Brown Thrasher (top left photo) to go to a full-screen slideshow. To see the entire image during the slide show, move your mouse up slightly from the scrolling arrow at the bottom of the screen; look out for an itty bitty butterfly blessing in the lower left corner of the tall water lily photo - I didn't even know he was there! These pictures will ultimately wind up on the photography page at some point, so I guess we can call this the early bird's sneak peek. *laugh* Enjoy! Oh, and there's a bit more to this post below the photos (I have LOTS to share this week ;o)

...

DD came for a visit last weekend with her canine entourage, consisting of two tiny tail wagging furballs; Diamond and Faith (who love coming to "grandma's" house; mostly 'cause I spoil them absolutely rotten ;o) This is Diamond [photo inset] saying "Hello" from the ginormous puppy playpen we created from the small training area behind the house. Call me crazy; we wrapped a 40'x40' area with chicken wire so the dogs would have a safe place to play. Yep. Definitely certifiable. Faith [pictured below] was the first born of Diamond's puppies, and captured DD's heart from the beginning. Of course she just had to keep her. Sometimes DD is just so very.... Me. *sigh* Unfortunately, Faith was diagnosed with a seizure disorder (click here for more information on seizures in dogs) known as Canine Epilepsy. It is likely that this is due to a couple of things: Diamond's extremely young age at her pregnancy (she was only 7 or 8 months old) and her subsequent malnourishment; both by her previous [incredibly careless] owner. For those who missed it, Diamond was introduced here. Faith is on seizure medication and a strict organic/gluten free doggy diet (they both are). She has the sweetest personality of any dog I've met and totally adores DD (both of them do).

Believe it or not, I came across some fascinating research about Epilepsy/seizures and organic coconut oil (click here to read more at the Epilepsy Foundation on Ning). I've been taking coconut oil via smoothie for awhile (it's amazing brain food). After chemo for cancer and all the other scary drugs I took for Polymyositis, et.al. I was all over anything that would benefit the brain, believe me. *grin* I bought some for DD to use and she was giving it (in small amounts) to the dogs as well; it's good for them too! Anyway, poor little Faith had multiple seizures over the weekend. We determined that an "all natural" birthday cookie given to Faith by the pet store DD visits was the likely culprit. Although the treat itself may have been organic, we are fairly certain that food coloring was used in the "icing" and was likely the trigger. After the fifth seizure (grandma can only endure extreme heart palpitations so many times; not to mention the fact that it was killing me to watch her convulse as I held her) I got back on line and found that we could safely increase her coconut oil intake to a teaspoon to help control seizures. I gave her a dose (thankfully she loves it), and she hasn't had another seizure since. DD is now giving her two teaspoons per day, one AM and one PM (Diamond still gets 1/2 teaspoon in the morning), so time will tell. Oh, the picture inset is Faith hanging out in the shade by the fan in the puppy pen. Not the best photo, but it's important to keep the grandpuppies cool in the summer (particularly when one of them has Epilepsy).

Below is a better shot of Faith - both of them absolutely love the huge drum we rolled in there for them to play on. Can you say Queen(s) of all we survey? (in your haughtiest tone, of course ;o)

Well. I'd say that's probably more than enough of me for the week ;o) Thank you so much for reading this far, have a big horsey hug and a beautifully blessed day!

I am SUCH a Loser...

On my way to work there is a crossing guard in the school zone. Now she may be a nice, caring lady - after all, she spends her mornings looking out for the safety of our kids come sun, rain, freezing temps, etc. - but she always looks as though she has eaten an entire basket of lemons before coming to work each day. She stops traffic waaay before the buses arrive to cross the intersection. Why does that bug me so much? Because there is a railroad crossing about ten feet before the intersection. This means that the vehicles she stops have to not only sit and watch the line of buses lumber slowly up the road, but also wait as each individual bus stops at the tracks to open and close the doors. When you factor in 5 or 6 buses in a row, this takes a long, long time (which becomes forever if you happen to be running a bit late). Toss in my [somewhat reformed but apparently not enough] Type-A personality, and it makes for a stressfully unhappy start to the day. I can remember snarling at a coworker one morning as I frantically rushed through the doors, "That woman has just GOT to be on some sort of power trip. It makes me CRAZY to just sit there. Why-oh-why-oh-why can't she just wait until the buses stop at the tracks before she holds us all hostage? ARGH!!" 

I don't remember the why, but one morning I was in such an exceptionally good mood that when she stopped me I gave her a friendly wave. She frowned, then looked at me like I was some sort of weirdo, before looking away. Hmph. Well now, that's not very nice. Maybe she's just not used to anyone giving her a G-rated hand signal. (Ha ;o) I honestly don't know what possessed me (though I'm pretty sure I know Who ;o) but I decided I could at least do my part to be nicer. After all, talking the talk isn't worth a flip if you're not gonna walk the walk, right? I smiled and waved at her again the next morning. She drew her head back sideways as though somehow offended and offered me a scowl in response. After that? Well. Never let it be said I would back down from a challenge. IT. WAS. ON. From that day forward, I made it my personal mission to give that woman a big old smile and cheerful wave every single morning (whether she stopped me or not, no matter if I was running early or late, it didn't matter). I am nothing if not tenacious. *laugh*

It took more than half the school year (about six months), but one morning she tentatively waved back. I almost drove off the road, I was so shocked. Funny thing is, it made my day. I yelled at my Mom (who I call every morning on my way to work) through the bluetooth, "Oh my goodness, she did it! SHE DID IT! SHE WAVED BACK!!" I walked around smiling for the rest of the day. Even more shocking? A few short weeks ago, she waved me through ahead of the buses before she stopped the rest of the traffic. Holy cow and wonders never cease! It's funny isn't it, how much easier it is for us to match someone's attitude scowl for scowl? I'm trying to make kindness my new thoughtless habit, particularly when it comes to people who are not at all nice (even when I don't feel like it). How about you? Is there a cranky person in your life? I absolutely encourage you to step out of your "Right back at'cha bud" mode (if you're in one) and become a bright spot in their day. Who knows? One day they may just wave back at you, too ;o)

Did you know that could change your "default" facial expression? My default mode used to be set to serious, for the simple reason that I am often deep in thought. An unfortunate side-effect of this type of expression, however, is that it always generates the same conversation with friends and/or family members (well, except with my dad who has the same look on his face):
Friend/Family: "What's wrong?"
Me [in confusion]: "Nothing. Why?"
Friend/Family: "You look mad."
Somewhere in the middle of my medical misadventures I decided to see if it was actually possible for me to change my default expression (having had a bit of a Divine attitude adjustment ;o) While it wasn't easy, I am happy to report that it is completely doable, and has brought the annoying aforementioned conversations to an end.
Simple heredity made the following conversation occur recently:
Me: "What's wrong?"
DD: "Nothing. Why?"
Me: "You look mad."

I think she and I need to talk, don't you? *grin*

Ohhh, That Need for Speed...

I don't distract well. Are you kidding? I have enough trouble finishing tasks when I'm completely focused on them. Interrupt me, and everything just goes kaflooey. Where was I? What was I doing again? Argh! So frustrating. My thoughts these days too often feel scattered and I the older I get, the more trouble I seem to have reining them in. The feeling is best summed up by Jackie Chan's comment, "Your focus needs more focus." in the Karate Kid. That's just so, well, me :oP It boggles my brain how I can remember the words of a song I learned in the first grade, but am totally unable to remember what on earth I did with something I just had in my hot little hands ten minutes ago. *snarl* I'm pretty sure if I could get back all of the time I've wasted searching frantically for things I put somewhere [or another], I'd wind up with an extra year at my disposal (and wouldn't that be nice?). Maybe, just maybe, if I stopped setting things down in random places I wouldn't have to search for them so often. I'm thinking....velcro. What do you think?

One of the things that's fun about horses is having an open line of communication when training or, as I'd rather think of it, playing with a purpose (sounds lots more fun that way, doesn't it? ;o) Anyway, the horses will sometimes ask questions or offer behaviors when we're together to see how I react. I try to be attentive (though sometimes I'm oblivious) and offer immediate feedback; either a "No, we're not doing that right now", "Good girl/boy" or a "No ma'am/sir" depending on the question asked or behavior offered.  If you are not quite sure what I'm talking about when I say an offered behavior, a simple example would be when you are teaching your dog to lay down but he sits (the behavior offered) when you cue him to lay. Usually, he'll look to you for approval right away (the question asked). This is because he is not 100% sure exactly what it is you want him to do, so he offers a certain behavior to see if that's what you want. Does that make sense? I'll add that Mad Max, [photo inset] our resident hoovenile delinquent, wins hooves down for not only asking the most questions but also receiving the most "No sirs!", interspersed with regular "Absolutely NOTs!". Sometimes I do have to work really hard not to laugh at some of his antics (click here, here and here for some examples), even when he makes me crazed. Of course sometimes the horses just offer up a behavior out of the blue...

Case in point? A long time ago we used to put a heavy rope across the hill to keep the girls down at the bottom while we brought in a new roll of hay for them. Horses are not real big on waiting patiently when it comes to important things like hay and we didn't want them running around by the gate to the boys' pasture while it was open, either. Once we finished the girls' stalls, I would just close their doors while we did the hay. One day last year, after a long day, I realized I had forgotten to lock the doors and the girls were already out after finishing supper. Nuts. Since they stayed well away from the pasture gate while DH went in and out, we decided to not worry about the rope any more. Several months later I was headed up the hill to the gate to let DH out to get a new roll for the girls, when I looked back to see that Rina had stopped everyone at the bottom of the hill and was looking at me expectantly. I hollered out "Good girl Rina, hold!" and continued up the hill to open the gate. Now I really didn't expect that to work, but believe it or not they all stayed there. We ended up with a nice compromise: The girls now wait politely at the bottom of the hill - without a rope - but I tell them to "come ahead" as soon as DH gets through the gate with the hay. Isn't that a hoot?

There are just a handful of days left in the school year. Hard to tell who's more ecstatic; the kids or the faculty. Probably a tie. *grin* I finished this tatting project to match a homemade candle [photo inset] for a gift, and I also have a baby blanket to finish. Once school's out, it will be a boatload of cleaning and organizing on the home front, and then - IhopeIhopeIhope - I can get down to some serious organizing of the thousands of photos on my hard drive, completion of the pages on this blog, plus a massive overhaul of the Epic Farms website. Amazing, the lofty goals you can set with a functional internet connection. *laugh* Of course I'll probably have to start all over again trying to figure out how to use the web design software; safe bet it's all been changed since the last time... Old dogs and new tricks - here we go again! *facepalm*

As always, thank you so much for reading this far and have a blessed week!

Nevermind Waldo:

So where'd ya go this time Jen??
     Of all my online doings, this blog is probably the thing I've missed the most. Although it was not my intention to literally drop out of site (again), it became an unfortunate side-effect of our ISP woes. Living in a somewhat rural area, our choices [years ago] were very limited when it came to internet service. Because we wanted a land line without the added expense of cable, we've been pretty much stuck with CenturyLink (and yep, I'm namin' names people). 
     Back in the day, their service was pretty darn good. I'd click on a page and it loaded just like it was supposed to. As the internet became more and more graphics intensive, however, we began to experience a definite reduction in speed. By the time of last year's post, it was taking an insane amount of time just to type a post (the preview window would hang up, my cursor would get stuck in one spot or disappear altogether, yadda-yadda). Uploading photos was awful. One by one, I gave up trying to accomplish things online in defeat. 
Fast Forward to a couple of weeks ago
      It occurred to me as I attempted to reply to an email at home (which took two hours and many repentable words to type and send one doggone message) that I had not revisited the land line/ISP conundrum for a couple of years. Habitual ruts do have their disadvantages, don't they? 
      Verizon's Hot Spot was still too limited (and pricey), however, TimeWarner (TWC) had started including a land line phone service in with some of their bundles. Hmmmm. Although it included cable, the price for all three services was only slightly higher than we were paying now for just two. One really, if you considered the utter uselessness of our internet. The big question was: Could we get it in our area? Yes, we could. *DingDingDingDing* Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner! Now I just had to convince DH (whose "ducttapeoughttadoit" mentality is: It doesn't effect me directly therefore it probably isn't really broken, so why would we need to fix it?) It took three days, four verbal dissertations, two heartfelt pleas and one rant (should've just started there, in retrospect ;o) to get him to finally agree to the change. (for some odd reason, the Twelve Days of Christmas song has suddenly popped into my mind - go figure). I am, therefore, proud to announce:

We have real Internet!

Some Perspective

     To give you an idea of just how bad it was, the state with the highest internet speed in the U.S. in 2014 was Virginia at 13.7mbps (I found a neat map here). Alaska came in dead last at 7mbps. My internet? Ha. It was supposed to be 6mbps; we were told to expect a minimum of 3mbps, but what we actually got was a pathetic 1.8mbps (when it wasn't raining, that is). Pages were loading in extreme slow-mo, and typing anything was a sight to [eventually] behold. I'd bang out a sentence, the cursor would disappear and after several seconds of waiting, the words would come up one letter at time. Made me crazed. 
      YouTube gave me frownie faces half the time when I tried to watch my crafting tutorials; we're talking regular videos here - anything HD wasn't happening at all. Adding insult to injury, my new[ish] computer was slowly hiccuping along as a result of our lousy connection. Windows updates (gotta love those, right?) took hours to download; sometimes days. Most programs now connect to the internet in the background, so if you have a poor connection your software will be adversely effected right along with your temper. Although TWC advertised speeds of 30mbps, I viewed that as an absolute impossibility. Shoot, I was having fantasies about 20mbps. 10, even. Do I hear 5? I am still reeling from the actuality: Would you believe we are getting a whopping 34mbps? Pages load  almost instantaneously (HD videos and everything!) and words actually appear as I type them. It's phenomenal. Colossal. Stupendous! 
Anyhoo, what now?
     Went on a bit more than intended here - this was supposed to be a coming soon paragraph - but I'm just SO excited to be back! *SQUEEEE* I have SO much to tell you guys! 

I am going to try really hard to get back into the swing of things over the next month or so. We're coming to the end of the school year which should, hopefully, free up some extra time for me (time seems to be in perpetually short supply, doesn't it?) I'm probably going to need a refresher course on which thing does what both here and on our site, but I'm hoping to get back into the swing of regular posts without hurting myself (and visiting everybody too - I've missed you!) Hopefully, I can give the blog a much-needed face lift and then try to tackle our sadly neglected website. My biggest challenge is probably going to be re-establishing the habit; not that I would ever forget anything, right? *facepalm*

As always, thanks for reading this far and have a blessed day!

The Three R's: 'Real' Reality Rant

Where in the world has Jen been???

OH you just don't know how much I've missed you guys... I'm so happy to finally blog again! *SQUEEEE* [ahem] Sorry. Okay, so this was actually supposed to be a back to school post last August, but I've obviously had to rethink that now that school is almost over (can you say WOOSH with whiplash?!? *facepalm*). In honor of final exams, I've decided to offer a multiple choice quiz to see if you can guess what caused such a lengthy disappearance. I should tell you that my dear friends Lori and Sandy have both stopped just short (and not by much, either ;o) of reading me the riot act for being gone from the blogosphere for so doggone long. Clancy even sent me a message via Facebook to make sure I was still in one piece. Aren't friendships just the most marvelous blessing?

Speaking of extended absences, I am posting this under the assumption (a dangerous word) that A. There is someone actually here to read it (crickets people, I am pretty sure I hear boatloads of crickets); B. You still remember me (I'm sorry, Jen who??); and C. You can manage to read what I've written through the extensive amount of cobwebs (webs, get it? Har ;o) that have collected on this blog over the past umpteen months. *wince*

Ready?

Okay, so what on earth have I been DOING all this time anyway?

Well, I was...

A) bidding a sad farewell to our Sarabear, who had to leave us.

B) learning to let go and let God (with a dash of hysteria) when our daughter suddenly "declared" her independence by leaving home unexpectedly.

C)  trying to help my dad with my mom who was diagnosed with Dementia, and spend more time with both of them.

D) recovering from the shock of learning I was gluten intolerant and attempting to find my way around the massive GF learning curve.

E) getting diagnosed with Hypothyroidism, then Osteopenia.

F) going totally off the dietary deep end: Me go Paleo. UG.

G) completely reconfiguring (then re-reconfiguring) my daily routine in an absolutely unsuccessful attempt to make it all work and still be able to write my posts.

H) learning how to use essential oils and natural ingredients to make my own deodorant, lotion, shampoo, hair color and horse stuff.

I) discovering that dirt was really good for you, so I started eating it.

J) All of the above.

Of course for those of you who know me, this is pretty much a no-brainer. I even gave you a tiny hint via initial (and now that I've said all that, I'm thinking any random stranger stopping by should know what the answer is as well, right? ;o)

I am sorry for being gone for so long without a word; I meant to add a short "I'll be back" post at some point, but I never did get to it. I'm going to try to get back into visiting everyone's blogs and posting here more regularly over the summer, although I may find myself cutting back once school starts in the fall. Pretty sure a huge chunk of this summer will be dedicated to updating a ton of web stuff and finally getting my house in order, which is a total disaster area. Yeesh, WHATTA MESS! Methinks I might just need to redecorate this blog while I'm at it, too. *laugh*

Happy-Happy-Happy hugs!

An Unfortunate Series of Events...

Do YOU know...  
How unbelievably and obnoxiously annoying you are? Is it just me or do you get fed up with the deluge of automated emails vomited out en masse to in-boxes everywhere by the social media giants? Do you know this person? How about this one? Wait! Here are 27 more people, just in case. I would say I appreciate the thought (self-serving though it may be), but I'd be telling a whopper for sure because I DON'T. I have to admit that whoever coined the term "the web" really knew what they were doing. As much as I appreciate and even [almost] enjoy technology, (when I'm not yelling at my screen, that is ;o) sometimes I think social media's sole purpose is to lure you in until you become hopelessly entangled in the virtual reality black hole. *Bangs head on desk.*

Case in point: I got on Pinterest over the holidays looking for some easy recipes, and got sidetracked by a cute crochet pattern pinned by a friend. Two hours and 2,000 Oh, look how cute!'s later, however, I was furious with myself for wasting so much time basically doing nothing (particularly since I had completely forgotten my original purpose). Recipes, ohhh yeah. *Facepalm* Yikes. It's a supernova turned black hole into which large quantities of time are sucked daily, I'm telling ya. Then there's the inevitability of the interface update; about the time I think I have a handle on a site, sweeping changes are announced and nothing looks like it did. Like the all new Facebook Timeline. Wait... What? Hold on, where the heck did everything go? Why are you tracking me on a big scary map? Cut it out, it's creepy. Hello?!? That's not even ME people; it's someone else with the same name and a smarter phone that lives in the next town. Oh, hey I got it: subterfuge. Okay that one could be good. I'm getting more like the horses every day; gimme a nice predictable rut. It may be boring, but at least I know what the heck's going on. *grin*

Now I'll confess to laughing hysterically at the Toyota commercial featuring the girl in her room mocking her "lame" parents for only having 17 sorry friends on Facebook compared to her own 600+ virtually vivacious pals. Of course her parents were out having fun with their real friends, while she sat home alone all night staring at a screen. I suppose it could be argued that technologically speaking she was with her friends (but that perspective just creeps me out completely, and move over Max Headroom). In honesty, the only reason I even joined Facebook in the first place was to create a Fan Page for Epic Farms (one of those things that seemed like a good idea at the time). It was almost fun for about 20 minutes, too, but I think it was the never-ending barrage of Little Green Patches and Farmville requests that totally killed it for me. Let's not forget the added drama that spills over into the school day from Facebook; superfun, that. Never mind the fact that you're supposed to be 18 either; nobody cares, believe me. I will say that DD was 20 or 21 before she signed up for Facebook, (and I dimly recall asking her what that giant whooshing noise was; it was the sound of her getting sucked into the virtual void *sigh*).

Do I appreciate the convenience? Sure I do. It's nice to be able to catch up with things at 4a.m., which is generally the only time I have a few extra minutes to spare. It's handy too, when something major (like a surgery) is going on - it's a great way to let everyone know an update all at once. But where's the line? Do I need to know that 12 people I do not know 'liked' what someone else posted that I didn't read? Nope, and I pretty much don't care either (sorry). I signed up with Twitter to promote my Etsy shops (you know, the ones that were stuck in vacation mode for the past year) and announce new blog posts but I rarely remember to tweet either one. I totally forgot to announce the Epic Farms Etsy shop was open again too - my bad. For some reason, Twitter grates on my nerves too. I'm mostly sure I don't need to know what you're doing every minute of every day. Saw a tweet one time that someone had just finished scrubbing the toilet, and was getting ready to jump in the shower; talk about TMI. Who on earth get's that bored? Oy. For a little while, I was interjecting one-liners just to break the monotony of all those self-serving monologuistic tweets. 

Then I joined BlogFrog and four or five other promote-your-blog-here sites (that I don't even remember). All that did for me was generate still more friend requests/followers from people in places I've never even heard of and whose profiles basically scare me. I couldn't even tell you why I joined LinkedIn (although I'm fairly certain I had a reason at the time). Truth be told, that was the catalyst that led to today's posterior-exposing post (SO not explaining that one if you missed it ;o) A whatEVER request (friend? circle? group? clique? groupie? network? follower? stalker?) from some random real estate person that I've never heard of who works halfway across the country in some state I've never seen. Hitting the online white pages for the entire US of online A these days are we? There just seems to come a time when the harassing and haranguing overrides said convenience and becomes one more set of overwhelming obligations on that never ending gotta get "tuit" list. I'm going back to my virtual beginnings and see how many of these online onuses I can start ditching to cut down on my bit... Er, as much as I enjoy the occasional rhyming game, perhaps we'd just better not go there (we are rated G don'tcha know ;o)
Wow. That was a lot. Hope I didn't hurt anybody; seems I've been saving up *grin*. Somehow, I'm betting there are at least a few of you that have the same love/loathe relationship with technology. Or is it just me? I'll have a Sarabear update next time and the upside of technological advances. For now though, I'm sending you a happy smile and a virtual hug. BTW: have you noticed that we are up to 114 Facebook Likes? How exciting *bounce*bounce*bounce*. So feel free to Like us, tweet this, link to it, pin it, Digg it, Stumble it...  
Oh, ACK!

...Can most definitely dement!

And how best to start this post? Aside from reminding you to grab a doughnut, that is. *grin* Probably with a couple of ginormous apologies all the way around. First and foremost, to my friends and followers in the blogosphere (which are largely one in the same) who have been ever so patiently waiting for me to clue them in. Unless, of course, you all grew disgusted at my extended absence and left vowing never to return (not that I'd blame you). If our screens were reversed, my first thought would be somewhere along the lines of:

"Joo gots some 'splainin' to do Lucy."

The second sorry? Welllll, that should go to Epic Farms itself, as I didn't think to turn our crises (plural) into a capitalistic Facebook fundraiser and generate a gazillion dollars in donations for the non-profit. My bad. My brain just doesn't seem to work that way. Ever. *sigh* I'd say maybe next time, but I'm pretty sure it won't happen then either. I don't know about you, but when disaster strikes the last thing I think about is jumping online and hitting up other people for money (too doggone busy trying to solve the problem, don'tcha know ;o)

Okay, soooo... What in the heck happened? Well, it started with Sara having a relapse of her COPD (a.k.a Heaves) last month. We had to get another steroid shot from the vet. I may have mentioned this before, but horses in "distress" (and breathing difficulties can definitely be quite stressful) tend to drop weight very quickly - up to 50lbs overnight. Added to that, Sara will only pick at her feed when she's having trouble breathing which makes her weight drop even faster. Since it can be several days to a week before the shot takes full effect, you can imagine how much of her weight dissipated in the interim. Because she wasn't that large to begin with, by the end of the week she was looking pretty sorry. I began to stress when another week went by and she was still having trouble breathing and barely touching her feed. She would eat some if I stood there and hand-fed her, so I did (which gave me some added stress of my own, as I was then running late for work every morning in addition to worrying about Sara the scarecrow). Unfortunately, the shots can only be administered every 30 days so if this one didn't work we just had to wait it out. Translation: PRAY.

Trying to stimulate her appetite as the days dragged by, I bought some Calf Manna which she seemed to like (pricey, but what are you gonna do, right? I had to get her to eat something). Then I found some easy to chew complete senior feed that also cost a small fortune (joy) and added that to her diet. Thankfully she would eat it, although not nearly as much as I wanted (which meant her weight loss had slowed, but not stopped). I also made an appointment with our dentist in case she was having teeth issues on top of the COPD (yet more money - eek). Although it was time for a floating (which he did) her teeth were pretty much okay. After 30 days had passed, it was back to the vet for a second shot. A little over a week later, Sara's breathing had improved enough to perk up her appetite (and thank the Lord!) I was SO relieved to have finally turned that corner; lemme tell ya. I found a supplement at Jeffers called Focus weight gain to try and help our scrawny little Sarabear put some weight back on safely and SOON.

Somewhere in the middle of all that was our church yard sale which, having run myself ragged over Sara, I no longer felt like doing. Of course by that point I was also pretty doggone desperate for dinero ($), which meant I had to do it. Ugh. I do not do too well when I run out of steam, and actually managed to hit myself with my own car (and yes, you read that correctly). What can I say? It's a gift. *rolls eyes* The short[ish] version is, on the Friday night before the sale DD and I went in separate vehicles to help a friend move her things to the sale location. My car window does not work properly, so I opened my car door when we got to the road in front of my friend's house. I was signing to DD who was right behind me to go ahead and turn into the driveway on the left. Although she was signing back from the truck, she forgot about the headlights and the fact that Mom can't SEE when they are shining in her eyeballs (*snarl*). Exhausted and annoyed, I slapped the car in park and jumped out to march over there and tell her. Note to self: Make absolutely sure that the car is all the way in park BEFORE you get out. See Jen's car roll backwards. Now see Jen do her impersonation of a Hollywood stunt woman by sprinting back and diving into the driver's seat to stop the car (though not before it crunched into DD's truck - of course all I could think of was that I could not afford to pay for one more thing). Throw in a nice solid body slam by her open door somewhere in mid leap. Oh yeah; that's perfect. Got myself a nice big, beautiful urplepurple hematoma as a souvenir for that little bit of self-inflicted stupidity and wound up making a whopping $20 from the sale. Mmmmph.

It was right about here that things went from bad to worse. It seems someone in the vicinity decided to burn goodness knows what - pine needles probably - which brought a thick noxious smoke rolling straight across the pasture. Not much you can do to prevent such things in the country (it's not illegal to burn, and it's not like I can stuff her in the house to get her away from it - although the thought did cross my mind). Of course this set off Sara's COPD all over and made me just want to sit down and cry. She went off her feed again, and wouldn't even eat from my hand. In desperation, I separated her from her pasture pals (which I really didn't want to do) and put her in a smaller area by herself. About the time I was thinking we might actually have to consider having her put down, our prayers were answered in the form of a big temperature drop, which helped partially stabilize her breathing while we waited out the 30 days to the next shot. She finally started eating again, but our poor girl is so thin she looks like the wrong end of a horse rescue. She will not touch her feed if I put anything else in it (like the weight gain supplement or horse manna, even in small increments), nor will she eat her breathing medicine or the complete feed. We're feeding her our regular feed and some alfalfa cubes broken up into small pieces (in a wide shallow tub to avoid dust issues) three times a day. Unfortunately, it goes on a LOT more slowly than it comes off (and don't you wish we could do it that way? *grin*)

Okay here's where I start summing up, because I don't think you have enough time (or coffee and doughnuts) for the rest of it. Somewhere in the middle of that, was this: I was at work and had a terrible - and I mean BIG and BAD - pain in my right side. Thinking another doggone kidney stone, (and do we have to do this now, because I do NOT need another bill to pay), I listed to the left in my chair and sucked it up for a few hours before I admitted defeat and called the doctor. He gave me a painkiller shot (that did nothing) and sent me for a CT scan. Turns out I had an ovarian cyst that ruptured and was bleeding into my abdomen (and are you kidding me?)  This meant another doctor (Gyn this time), who said we'd watch it for one month because post menopause + cancer history + cyst = potential UhOh. Dandy. Fast forward the 30 days: cyst was still there, but now complex and part of it is a solid mass. This needed to be removed and biopsied immediately. Surgery? Oh goody. *head thuds on desk* Anyhoo, the surgery was last Monday, and I'll be returning to work today. Of course with all my medical misadventures, my dad was obligated to make a crack about the irony of me having surgery on "Veteran's" day (ha, ha there Pop ;o) Biopsy results are pending (and thankfully, the doctor told DH it didn't look to be cancerous).

Somewhere in the middle of THAT (you'd think I was making this up for a Hollyweird soap opera, wouldn't you?) a neighbor showed up waving a land survey to inform us that our fence was umpteen feet off the line onto his property and we were encroaching on his land. He was polite, but started talking about drawing up contracts and paying him rent in lieu of moving the fence. Hold on there, buddy. Give us some time to look into it, okay? Naturally, the area in question runs directly through the training area and the boy's stalls. Ah yes, where else could it be? We are fairly sure that we are not encroaching, but I don't want to say anything more until this has been completely sorted out.
I think that brings you all pretty much up to speed, and maybe it will help you see why I couldn't quite get here. I don't think there's any more but then again, the day's still young right?  Have a blessed week everyone - I've missed you!